From Johnny
by bookfish
Summary: The entire Outsiders story told in Johnny's POV from the day Ponyboy got jumped. Inclues some scenes that may have happened to Johnny when Ponyboy wasn't around to put them in the book.
1. Concerned

**A/N: This, as you may know, is my 7****th**** 'Outsiders' story. I don't know why, but I felt a need to announce it! **

**So, anyways… it's pretty self explanatory. I'll be making chapters separated according to how the chapters are separated in the book. **

**Time for my annual song per chapter! :D **

**Songs for this chapter: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what song I should do for this chapter!! I PROMISE I'll have one next chapter! **

We were all hanging out at the DX, just bein' guys. Most of the gang was there; Soda, Steve, Two-Bit, and Dally, who was surprisingly let outta jail early. Everybody was there except for Darry and Ponyboy, two of the three Curtis' in our group.

I stayed quiet, as usual, while I was being observant to the guys' behaviour. It was as if I was Jane Goodall studying the Chimps in the wild or something. Except I'm not British… or a girl.

I was busy watching Soda and Steve having some debate over engines and what kind was best and Two-Bit telling Dally one of his many humorous stories about everyday life that made Dally laugh his head off when Darry came walking by.

"Hey, y'all." He called. Everybody stopped what they were doing to turn in his direction and greet him loudly while I just waved. Then Darry joined in on the telling of Two-Bit's tale when we heard a scream from a distance…

"SODA! DARRY!" the voice called out, followed by more of our names. The voice sounded oddly familiar… then it came to me.

The voice was Ponyboy. And boy, he sounded like he was in some big trouble. Everybody bolted to the direction the voice was coming from. I didn't want him to get hurt like I did… all cut-up and scared… I remembered those rings. I shuddered at the thought that whoever was jumping him could be them.

I hadn't realised that we were there already until I heard the guys yelling frantically. I looked up and saw five Socs around Ponyboy, who was on the ground with one of the Socs sitting on him. They were shoving a handkerchief in his mouth to shut him up because of the yelling. But when they saw us, they leaped to their feet and ran to their Red Corvair with us on their tails. I ran as fast as I could when I had to jump over Ponyboy to not accidentally step on him and hurt him anymore; that guy sitting on him must've hurt. When I looked back, I noticed that Darry was staying behind to make sure that Ponyboy was okay. I looked forward again, nearly running into that Corvair… and nearly getting hit in the head by a rock that Dally was throwing. I came to a stop while they started to drive off, cussing at us on the way.

I could only stare for a minute until I was back in the real world. Soda had run back to help make sure Pony was okay. When I was walking back, I could hear Ponyboy, Darry, and Soda having one of those brother-to-brother-to-brother talks.

Soda was rubbing Pony's hair. "You're an okay kid, Ponyboy." He was saying as Ponyboy grinned.

"You're crazy, Soda, out of your mind." He told him.

Darry had one of those kinds of looks that say shut-up-or-I'll-knock-your-heads-together. "You're both nuts." He said.

Soda turned to him and cocked an eyebrow, one of the many things that make Two-Bit infamous. "It seems to run in the family." He joked.

Darry just glared at him for a second, then couldn't help but crack a grin. One of Soda's many talents; he can make anyone grin.

The gang and I were getting close by then. By the way Ponyboy was staring at us for a few seconds, I knew he was having one of those moments when he's trying to see how a scene would be described in a book or something.

I'm kinda jealous of him, to tell the truth. He's smart, he can read, his brother doesn't abuse him, and he doesn't have to carry a six-inch switchblade in his back pocket. He's got a good life. Sure, his parents died in a car wreck and everything, but I'd be glad if mine did. Don't take me wrong; I feel real bad for him. With his parents and everything, that is. But it's just that… well, I don't know. I don't wanna sound like one of those people who are all like_ My life's so hard! Why won't anybody help me?_ Those kinds of people have to realise that everybody's lives are hard. We have to help each other and stop complaining. Nobody seems to get it.

Ponyboy wiped his eyes. I guess he was crying or something and didn't want us to know. "Didya catch 'em?" he asked us.

It was then that I realised that I was having a daydream moment myself, and brought myself back to the real world instantly. I was just in time to listen Two-Bit call those Socs every name he could think of or make up cheerfully.

Dally cut in on Two-Bit's long line of names. "The kid's okay?"

"I'm okay." Ponyboy answered. "I didn't know you were out of the cooler yet, Dally."

"Good behaviour. Got off early." Dally explained as he lit a cigarette and gave it to me. I guessed he saw how out of it I was; I was still a little spooked at my thoughts of the guy with the rings earlier.

We all sat down and had a smoke to relax from the day and the surprise of Ponyboy getting jumped. I noticed that after a few seconds, Pony quit shaking and that his colour was back. He was calming down. That was good. The kid deserves a rest.

After staring at Ponyboy for a while, Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow, his signature move. "Nice lookin' bruise you got there, kid." He told him.

"Really?" Ponyboy asked while he touched his cheek with great care.

Two-Bit nodded. "Nice cut, too. Makes you look tough." Pony grinned. That smile disappeared, though, when Steve started talking.

"What were you doin', walkin' by your lonesome?" he asked. Ponyboy looked like he would want to beat the crap out of him. He then calmed down as he answered Steve's question.

"I was comin' home from the movies. I didn't think…"

"You don't ever think," Darry interrupted, "not at home or anywhere when it counts. You must think at school, with all those good grades you bring home, and you've always got your nose in a book, but do you ever use your head for common sense? No sirree, bub. And if you did have to go by yourself, you should have carried a blade."

Pony stared at the hole in his tennis shoe that I had been staring at for a while. Whenever Darry yelled at him, he was strong and took it. You have to respect him for that. But it just doesn't seem right when Darry yells at him like that… but he only does it because he loves him. I hoped that he knew that.

When I looked up, Soda was glaring at Darry. I could tell what was about to happen, because he always takes up for Ponyboy.

"Leave my kid brother alone, you hear? It ain't his fault he likes to go to the movies, and it ain't his fault the Socs like to jump us, and if he had been carrying a blade it would have been a good excuse to gut him to ribbons." Soda stood up for Ponyboy. That's the only weakness I've leaned from keeping your mouth shut when you're being hollered at; to everybody else, you seem to be weak, so it seems everybody has to stand up for you.

"When I want my kid brother to tell me what to do with my other kid brother, I'll ask you- kid brother." Darry said impatiently. At least he laid off of Ponyboy.

"Next time get one of us to go with you, Ponyboy," Two-Bit suggested, taking a note on the negative energy. "Any of us will."

"Speakin' of movies" - Dally yawned as he tossed his cigarette butt - "I'm walkin' over to the Nightly Double tomorrow night. Anybody want to come and hunt some action?"

"Me and Soda are pickin' up Evie and Sandy for the game." Steve said as he shook his head. He gave Ponyboy one of those dirty looks he doesn't need to give him.

Darry sighed. "I'm working tomorrow night." He explained. I feel bad for him; he missed out on collage and now he has to work 24/7.

Dally looked at Two-Bit, Pony, and I, searching for volunteers. "How about y'all? Two-Bit? Johnnycake, you and Pony wanna come?" I didn't open my mouth, because I knew Ponyboy was gonna give an answer.

"Me and Johnny'll come," he said. He turned to Darry. "Okay, Darry?"

"Yeah, since it ain't a school night." Darry answered.

"I was plannin' on getting boozed up tomorrow night," Two-Bit announced. "If I don't, I'll walk over and find y'all."

I thought about how Two-Bit always likes to get boozed up. He doesn't need to announce it all the time, but we all know he does anyway.

I noticed Steve was staring at Dally's hand. His ring, the one that he got when he rolled a drunk senior, was on his finger. "You break up with Sylvia again?"

"Yeah, and this time's for good. That little broad was two-timin' me again when I was in jail."

Ponyboy was deep in thought when everybody turned the conversation from movies to girls. I stayed quiet because I was suddenly remembering that lecture about girls I got from Steve when Sylvia sweet-talking me when Dally was in reform school. I shuddered at the memories.

"What's wrong, Johnny?" Ponyboy asked suddenly.

I stayed quiet, because it was embarrassing that I was scared of Dallas' girlfriend.

"Tell me." Pony urged. It was then that I realised that we were alone; I could hear the others having a fight in the Curtis' house. "We're alone."

"I was thinking of Sylvia when Dally was in reform school." I sighed.

"You're still spooked about that?" he asked, knowing he wouldn't get a verbal response. I nodded. "Just don't think of her, okay? She's not worth it." He told me. I nodded, again. Then, I heard footsteps coming to the front door of the Curtis' house.

"Ponyboy, you've got homework." Darry said.

"Okay, I'll be right there." Pony answered. "Comin' in, Johnny?" he turned to me.

"Naw. I"ll see y'all later." I told him. He shrugged and walked off. I got up and started walking, and since I wasn't in the mood to get jumped, I walked over to my house... which is stupider than walking by myself.

**A/N: Okay, so credit for that goes to S.E. Hinton for the dialoge in the conversation in this chapter. S.E. HINTON ROCKS!! **

**Please remember to R&R, but please no flames and review on my story and not historical mistakes/spelling errors I've made. Thx! **


	2. My Life

**A/N: An inside look to Johnny's life and his parents… so read on! **

**Songs for this chapter: "Unwanted" by Avril Lavigne **

"**Welcome To My Life" by Simple Plan **

I shivered as the cool air brushed against me. I had my jeans jacket on; I don't go anywhere without it, but it was cold.

I was thinking about why in the world I was going to my house. That place is hell on earth. What with my Dad always beating me and my Mom always ignoring me, but when they do notice me they're yelling and everything. Why was I so… unwanted? Maybe they hated me for my friends… but they'll just have to live with that. _I don't care, _I thought to myself,_ I don't care if they don't love me._ I've lied before, but when I lie to myself I don't believe it. The pressure got to me so much that I started whispering it to myself- those words had to be spoken to be believed.

"I don't care, I don't care, who cares if they love me…" I whispered, but I knew it was no use. No one could convince this fact to me. The only people on earth who love me are my friends…

I hadn't realised that I was home yet until I tripped on the stairs, unaware that they were even in front of me, and nearly hit my fact on the porch. At least my hands got there on time to prevent my nose from breaking. I quickly stood up and walked up the stairs, this time without tripping, and opened the door. There was my Dad, tanned skin, black hair and all, and I could smell the Whiskey from the door. _Oh, no,_ I thought. He was in a bad mood, and I could tell because his tanned skin was an unusual red colour and I swear I saw steam coming out of his ears. His head jerked up in response to my entrance, even though I tried to close the door as softly as I could.

"Do you know what happened today?" he asked loudly. An improvement- he wasn't shouting like usual. When I didn't respond, he explained, his voice rising. "I got fired today! That's the fifth job in the past two months! And whose fault is that? It's yours, you retarded kid! I just had to have you, didn't I? I just HAD to have a KID!" I just stood there, dumbfounded. He suddenly stood up and grabbed my shirt, nearly tearing off my skin in the process. He then threw me to the wall, which I blocked with my scraped hands, now bleeding from the sudden contact with the rough surface. I was used to getting beaten up by him. I pretty much know all of his signature moves by now.

He suddenly turned around and started exploding. "ALEXANDRA! WHY DID YOU EVEN WANT THIS?" My Mom stormed into the room.

"WHY DID I WANT WHAT?" she yelled back.

"WHY DID YOU EVER WANT TO HAVE A KID?" he shouted.

"I DIDN'T WANT A KID, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED A KID!" she yelled so loudly she almost shook, like she was about to blow. She walked up and slapped him. His face got redder as he tackled her and they fell over the coffee table. I walked out and they didn't notice as they continued to yell at each other. I'm surprised that they haven't killed each other by now.

I continued to walk, wondering where to go. I wasn't going to hell again, I didn't want to hang by myself in the lot, and I didn't feel like hanging out with the gang. I just needed to be alone, but at the same time, I didn't.

Since there was nothing better to do, I thought. I was thinking about why my parents even had a kid when they ignore me all the time. It's a miracle I even went though a childhood without being abused to death, if you think about it. My parents were perfect for each other; they're both abusive, they hate kids, and most of all, they hate me. The only flaw in their relationship is that they hate everything so much that they're incapable of loving each other. I think they forgot to love at an early age. I'm glad that I didn't forget how to love because of the gang. They accepted me. I wasn't sure why at first, because I didn't know if I was ever going to be loved; I hardly even knew what love was because of my parents. But then I forgot about it and accepted their love.

I started to think about the one of the gang that doesn't care if he's loved or not- Dally. That's why I worship him so much; he doesn't care if he's loved. He hardly cares about anything. Sometimes I wish he would see the good in the world, like all the good Ponyboy showed me. He dug sunsets and books and stuff, and he could see that there was some good in the world. I wish he would show some of that to Dally, or that at least some of Sodapop's happy-go-lucky energy would rub off on him. I guess that Dally's seen too much to just suddenly be happy-go-lucky like Sodapop or just be funny like Two-Bit. If only Darry could show him how to use his muscles at appropriate times, or Steve tell him how to show his hatred on bad cars or something. If only Dally was my brother… he'd save me from my parents.

I was snapped back in the real world when I noticed that the sun was beginning to set. I had just noticed that I was just a few feet away from the Curtis' house when I heard the T.V. and the current wrestling match. I started running to their house, because I suddenly didn't want to be alone. I opened the gate and then the front door only to see the fight was ending.

"Well," Two-Bit said, "I'd better go home. My Mom'll flip if she makes dinner for the entire family and one member, the one who eats the most, is not present. See y'all later!" he started to walk off, almost bumping into me. "Hey, Johnnycake!" he greeted. "You missed a heck of a fight! I stomped Steve over there!" he explained as he jerked his thumb behind him, where Steve stood.

"You wish, Two-Bit! You know I won, fair and square!" Steve protested.

"Why don't you just go home and cry to your mommy, then?" Two-Bit joked.

"Because I won!" Steve argued.

"Oh, whatever. As I said, see y'all later!" Two-Bit said as he walked off.

"Hey, Johnny. Just for the record, I won." Steve greeted, then walked off to his house for dinner.

I turned to the now not-so-crowded Curtis house. Darry was probably in the kitchen, since Soda was sitting on the arm of the couch and Ponyboy was on the couch, reading.

"Hey, Johnny!" Soda greeted. "You came right after the fight! But, at least you're right on time for dinner!"

Ponyboy, noticing the change in mood, put down his book and looked up.

"Hi, Johnny!" he said. He got up to bring me in and close the door. "Are you staying for dinner?"

"Uh… sure." I agreed quietly. What else would I have to do here? I still didn't want to be alone.

"Great!" Soda cried as he leaped up. "Now I don't have to be bored because of these two!"

"I heard that!" Darry called from the kitchen.

"You were supposed to!" Soda yelled back cheerfully. "Is dinner almost ready?"

"I just finished, so come on in here!" Darry answered. Soda started running for the dining room. I looked at Ponyboy, my eyes saying _Let me guess…_

"Yup," Ponyboy started to explain, "he had a successful match against Steve in cards, for once in his life." He started to take my hand to guide me through the mess in the living room, and when he felt that it was a little wet and sticky, he looked at it for the first time that night. "Your dad bang you up again?"

I nodded, telling half the truth. Then I decided he deserved to know most of the blood was from the porch and not my dad. "I tripped on the porch steps and scraped my hands, then my dad threw me to the wall a few minutes later, and my hands saved me."

"Let's clean you off." Ponyboy said, deep in concern as he examined my hands more closely.

"No, I'm okay." I tried to reassure him.

"You don't want bloody food, do you? And anyway, we have to make sure you don't get bacteria stuff happening to your body." He explained, being the one to reassure me now.

I nodded, digesting what he said. He took me to the kitchen and helped me wash my hands and then we had that delicious dinner Darry made. I wanted to make sure they had enough food to do the impossible task of filling them up, so I didn't eat much. I didn't talk, either. Pony and me both, actually. Soda was talking his head off and Darry was trying to get him to shut up, so we were observant while they talked. I wondered why they even had cable when they had Sodapop…?

When we were finished dinner, Darry suggested to Ponyboy that he started his homework. I decided to go, since the place would get pretty quiet, and besides, I wanted to get enough sleep for the movie the next day.

"See y'all later, I guess." I said quietly as I left.

"See you, Johnny." They responded as they turned away from what they were doing.

I walked out the door and to the lot, shivering like heck. It was a cold night, and I wasn't sure if I would be able to fall asleep. But when I lay down on the grass, I was suddenly taken over by unconsciousness.

**A/N: A little bit of a look to Johnny's life and how abusive his parents are at home, then suddenly ignore him, and how the Curtis', especially Ponyboy, care for him and love him. **

**Remember to R&R and on my STORY and remember what I asked you not to do in my first chapter! Thx! **


	3. Night At The Movies

**A/N: So, this is the chapter about the night at the Nightly Double. A few of Johnny's thoughts, but not many. Includes flirt scene between Two-Bit and Marcia! **

**Songs for this chapter: I can't think on any… sorry! It's hard sometimes. **

**Please enjoy this chapter, and try to ignore my bad song-picking-for-every-chapter skills! ;) **

When Ponyboy and I were walking over to Pickett and Sutton, we noticed that Dally was already there, smoking a cigarette.

"Hey, guys. You're early." Dally greeted.

"No, I think you are." Ponyboy pointed out. "What are you doing here so early?"

"I was bored and didn't want to get thrown back into the cooler right after I got out." Dally explained. "What do you wanna do?"

"I don't know. How about… how about we go over to the drugstore? You know, the one in the shopping centre? We can get a Coke or somethin'." Ponyboy suggested.

"Sure, let's go." Dally agreed as he started walking off.

So, we bought the Cokes and blew the straws at the waitress and walked around and eyed things lying out in the open. That is, until the manager of the place suggested we leave. That was wise of him, but he was too late; Dally had two packs of Kools under his jacket when we walked out.

When we were unsure of what to do again, Dally thought that we should go to The Dingo and Jay's to find out who was doing what and who was with who and that sort of stuff. When we got there, there was a fight going on between a greaser and a Mexican Hitchhiker. We continued talking to various greasers and watching at the same time, but when the blades came out, we beat it outta there because of the cops who would be coming soon.

So we crossed Sutton then cut behind Spencer's Special and chased a couple of junior-high kids around a field for a while. By then, Dallas figured it was dark enough to sneak into the Nightly Double. They were playing four movies that night. Four. Man, if we wanted to, we could go all 'round town. But, of course, we were interested in watching a movie that night.

When we got there, we sat in the rows in front of the concession stand. Then we all suddenly noticed that there were two girls in front, and not just any girls. They were Soc girls. Dally, up to his usual tricks, walked down the aisle to sit right behind them. He started to talk loudly so that they could hear, and he was talking awful dirty. I could see Ponyboy's ears turn red out of the corner of my eye. I started getting a little nervous, too, and I left to get a Coke because I was so scared.

While I was in the line with Socs everywhere, I was getting a little scared. Not just because of the Socs all around me, which was a part of it, but because of the girls. I remembered Steve's speech to me about girls… again. I shuddered, and then decided to hurry up because the Socs around me would see me, and being scared of girls isn't exactly the best thing for a greaser to be afraid of.

When I was coming back, I could hear some of the conversation Ponyboy somehow managed to have with the girls.

"How come we don't see your brother at school? He's not any older than sixteen or seventeen, is he?" The dark haired girl was saying.

Ponyboy waited for a few seconds to answer, as if he was debating whether or not to tell them. I knew he couldn't stand Soda being a dropout. "He's a dropout." He said with a slight tone of pain in his voice.

I had come back by then. I looked around for Dallas, curious of where he had gone, then forced myself to say "Hi" shyly. I could feel my hands getting clammy. I was getting nervous about the redhead, who was looking at me, but I knew she was just sizing me up. After a few seconds of uncomfortable looking, she smiled softly. Golly, she was pretty.

Dally was coming by with an armful of Cokes. He passed them out to each of the girls then sat down by the redhead.

"This might cool you off." He told her as he sat down. I guessed that they had a bit of a fight or something and Ponyboy didn't join in, and that was how he was talking to them.

The redhead gave Dally a look of disbelief, then threw that Coke in his face. "That might cool _you_ off, greaser. After you wash your mouth and learn to talk and act decent, I might cool off, too."

Dally wiped the Coke from his face and flashed a dangerous smile. I gulped and my eyes got wide. I knew that look, and so did Ponyboy. I glanced at his direction for a second then looked back, right on time.

"Firey, huh? Well, that's the way I like 'em." Dally said with a dangerous tone in his voice. I was getting real nervous, and when he started to put his arm around her, I reached out and stopped him.

"Leave her alone, Dally." I forced myself to say.

"Huh?" Dally asked, obviously taken off guard. He turned and stared at me in disbelief. _Okay, _I thought_, now I'm scared._ I gulped and knew I was a white as I felt. But, I tried to stay cool. "You heard me, leave her alone." I told him after he didn't do anything but stare.

He scowled for a second, but he left. The redhead sighed in relief. She turned to me. "Thanks. He had me scared to death." She explained to me.

I decided to give her an admiring grin. "You sure didn't show it. Nobody talks to Dally like that." I managed to say.

She grinned. "From what I saw, you do." She said plainly.

I felt my ears getting hot, still feeling Pony's stares digging into me. I was a little glad of what I did, but I was also ashamed of it, too. Dally was my hero because he knows more than me and he doesn't care about love. I never talk back to anyone, but Dallas… I talked back to my hero. _Well, _I thought,_ I'm doomed._ Who knew what he was gonna do to me next time he saw me?

The dark haired girl grinned at us. "Y'all sit up here with us. You can protect us." She offered.

Ponyboy and I looked at each other. I grinned suddenly, raising my eyebrows, most likely making them disappear under my bangs. Would the boys ever be shocked! Ponyboy and I, the quietest ones in the group, had picked up two Soc girls! I thought of their surprised reactions.

"Okay," he agreed, "might as well."

We walked up, me next to the redhead and Ponyboy in between the two girls.

"How old are y'all?" The dark haired girl asked.

"Fourteen," Ponyboy said.

"Sixteen," I told them.

"That's funny," she said, "I thought you were both…"

"Sixteen," the readhead broke in.

That was quite a surprise. I looked fourteen and I knew it, and it bugged me a lot. I grinned. "How come y'all ain't scared of us like you were Dally?" I asked curiously, knowing the fact that we were greasers should make them run outta there.

Redhead sighed. "You two are too sweet to scare anyone. First of all, you didn't join in Dallas' dirty talk, and you made him leave us alone. And when we asked you to sit up here with us, you didn't act like it was an invitation to make out for the night. Besides that, I've heard about Dallas Winston, and he looked as hard as nails and twice as tough. And you two don't look mean."

"Sure," Ponyboy sighed tiredly, "we're young and innocent."

"No," redhead said slowly, looking at him carefully, "not innocent. You've seen too much to be innocent. Just not… dirty."

"Dally's okay," I defended. Ponyboy nodded. "He's tough, be he's a cool old guy."

"He'd leave you alone if he knew you," Ponyboy explained. I digested that, remembering when Steve's cousin from Kansas came. I remembered Dally, being decent to her and even watched his swearing. I guess we were nice to girls who were… the cousinly type. We don't know why- I think we're just nice to girls we know. We say lousy things about a nice girl on a street corner because we don't know her. I don't know why exactly, it's just a guess.

"Well," the dark haired girl said, "I'm glad he doesn't know us."

I could almost hear the readhead say something so that only Pony could hear. We settled down to watch the movie.

We talked a few times. We found out why they were alone; their boys had brought some booze along on their date and the girls got mad and left. I also found out the redhead was Cherry and the dark haired girl was Marcia. Oh, yeah, and they told me what had happened with Dallas and Cherry. Dallas was bugging her and he left to get some Cokes for her and Marcia. We chatted here and there, but not too much. But then suddenly, a hand slowly came upon my left shoulder and a deep voice broke the silence, "Okay, greasers, you've had it."

We turned around fearfully and the 'Soc' was revealed. It was Two-Bit, ginning so much I would think it hurt.

"Glory, Two-Bit, scare us to death!" Ponyboy exclaimed. I closed my eyes, knowing I was white as a ghost, my breath unable to come out right and sounding like smothered gasps.

"Hey, Two-Bit." I managed weakly as I opened my eyes.

He messed my hair up. "Sorry, kid," he told me, "I forgot."

He climbed over a chair and sat down beside Marcia. "Who's' this, your great-aunts?" He asked casually.

"Great-grandmothers, twice removed," Cherry replied smoothly.

He cocked an eyebrow and said "Shoot, you're ninety-six if you're a day."

"I'm a night." Marcia replied.

Two-Bit stared at her, admiration in his eyes. "Brother, you're a sharp one. Where'd you two ever get to be picked up by a couple of greasy hoods like Pony and Johnny?"

"We really picked them up," Marcia told him. "We're really Arabian slave traders and we're thinking about shanghaiing them. They're worth ten camels apiece at least."

"Five," Two-Bit corrected. "They don't talk Arabian, I don't think. Say somethin' in Arabian, Johnnycake."

I was getting tired of all of this. "Aw, cut it out!" I cut in. "Dally was bothering them and when he left they wanted us to sit with them to protect them. Against wisecracking greasers like you, probably."

He grinned, probably because I don't usually get like that. "Hey, where is ol' Dally, anyways?"

"He went hunting some action- booze or dames or a fight. I hope he don't get jailed again. He just got out." Ponyboy explained.

"He'll probably find the fight," Two-Bit said cheerfully. "That's why I came over. Mr. Timothy Shepard and Co. are looking for whoever so kindly slashed their tires, and since Mr. Curly Shepard spotted Dallas doing it… well… Does Dally have a blade?"

"Not that I know of," Pony started. "I think he's got a piece of pipe, but he busted his blade this morning."

"Good. Tim'll fight fair if Dally don't pull a blade on him. Dally shouldn't have any trouble."

Marcia and Cherry were staring at us, confused by the conversation being so casual when we were talking about fighting and blades and stuff. "You don't believe in playing rough or anything, do you?"

"A fair fight isn't rough," Two-Bit stated. "Blades are rough. So are chains and heaters and pool sticks and rumbles. Skin fighting isn't rough. It blows off steam better than anything. There's nothing wrong with throwing a few punches. Socs are rough. They gang up on one or two, or they rumble each other with their social clubs. Us greasers usually sick together, but when we do fight among ourselves, it's a fair fight between two. And Dally deserves whatever he gets, 'cause slashed tires ain't no joke when you've got to work to pay for them. He got spotted, too, and that was his fault. Our one rule, besides Stick together, is Don't get caught. He might get beat up, he might not. Either way there's not going to be any blood feud between our outfit and Shepard's. If we needed them tomorrow they'd show. If Tim beats Dally's head in, and them tomorrow asks us for help in a rumble, we'll show. Dally was getting kicks. He got caught. He pays up. No sweat."

"Yeah, boy," Cherry started to say sarcastically, "real simple."

"Sure," Marcia was saying, obviously unconcerned. "If he gets killed or something, you just bury him. No sweat."

"You dig okay, baby." Two-Bit smiled as he lit a cigarette. "Anyone want a weed?" He offered.

Cherry and Marcia didn't want the cigarettes, but Pony and I grabbed one each. My color was back by then and my breathing was back to normal, but I could tell my hand was shaking ever so slightly. It was a little embarrassing, to tell the truth. I hoped the cigarette would fix that.

"Ponyboy, will you come with me to get some popcorn?" Cherry asked out of the blue.

"Sure. Y'all want some?" He said as he got up.

"I do," Marcia said.

"Me, too," Two-Bit agreed. He flipped a fifty-cent piece to Ponyboy. I started to reach into my jeans pocket to get some money myself so that Pony could get me some, too, but then Two-Bit said "Get Johnny some, too. I'm buyin'."

I immediately stopped digging in my jeans pocket and tried to concentrate on the movie, but it was kinda hard to watch when Two-Bit and that Marcia chick were flirtin' with their 'scatterbrained sense of humour', as Pony would've put it. He was taking a little longer than he should to get popcorn, so I guessed that he and the Cherry girl were having some sort of conversation.

Since it was too hard to concentrate on the movie or my thoughts because of Two-Bit and Marcia, I decided I would concentrate on them.

"So, uh… how's the West side?" Two-Bit was asking Marcia.

"It's a nice neighbourhood." Marcia replied.

"Yeah, well I'm from the East side." Two-Bit told her.

"Yes, I could tell from the grease and the fact that you know the boys that saved us from Dallas Winston. Is it a nice neighbourhood over there?"

"It's nice. You know, if you think that being jumped by Socs and seeing kids getting drunk on the streets is nice." Two-Bit joked.

"I should go there sometime." Marcia started joking with him.

"Yeah, maybe I can show you all the tuff hangouts."

"That'd be nice."

"And until then, maybe you can show me all the tuff hangouts in Arabia." Two-Bit said.

"Well, the deserts are always a nice attraction, or maybe there's just a lot of them, meaning a lot of space." Marcia explained casually.

"I don't think the deserts are the best attraction."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. I think you are. Do you think I can have your number, because I've always wanted a number from Arabia's best attraction." Two-Bit flirted, with success.

"Sure." Marcia replied as she started writing it down. "Here you go."

"Thank you." Two-Bit thanked.

"Your very welcome. But thank you for saying I'm Arabia's best attraction."

"Your welcome. Now, I need to do a report for school about Arabian women. I think I'll get extra marks for asking you, too."

"Oh, yeah? What's that?" Marcia asked.

"I need to find out if Arabian women are good kissers." Two-Bit told her.

"Really? Well, I don't remember, but I'm willing to oblige." Marcia explained.

"Alright, then." Two-Bit said as he puckered up. Luckily, Ponyboy and Cherry were right on time to stop them. Pony put his hand overtop of Two-Bit's puckered lips.

"Please, we're here to see a beach movie, not a scatterbrained romance." He joked.

"You're just jealous that you can't get a gal for yourself." Two-Bit replied, cocking an eyebrow.

"Oh, shut up and let us watch the movie." Ponyboy demanded, annoyed.

"Alright, alright. We'll watch the movie." Two-Bit agreed in a pouty way.

We watched the movie in peace, and I noticed that Ponyboy seemed a little… tense, might I say. Maybe what he and Cherry were talking about was a lot more serious than I thought. Were they talking about me? I was worried then. I didn't want him to be talking about me behind my back, but then again I might be able to see why. Maybe Cherry had asked him why I was so quiet, so then he had no choice but to tell her because she would be curious. I was getting curious myself, but I stayed out of it. I was going to respect his privacy.

**A/N: Long chapter, I know. But I'm splitting the chapters up according to how they do it in the book. **

**Please R&R, but remember I want you to review on my story! Thx! **

**p.s. I forgot that I have a poll on my profile that asks what kind of sequel I should have for 'Gang Wars', my most popular story that I really want a sequel for. It's just that I can't pick one, so I'm letting you decide! Please, if you have read it, vote on my poll on what you would like for a sequel! Thx! :D **


	4. A Blue Mustang And Three Rings

**A/N: YAY MY 4****TH**** CHAPTER!!!! Sorry I haven't updated for a while, school. D: **

**Song for this chapter: "Take Me Away" by Avril Lavigne **

It was after the movie that we all realised that the girls didn't have any way to go home. Two-Bit offered to walk the way, since it was only twenty miles away, but the girls wanted to call their parents instead to get them to pick them up. But then Two-Bit, using his natural sense of humour, get them to let him drive us all home in his car. They seemed to still be a little scared of us, I noticed, but they were getting over it, at least.

I was surprised as I listened to the conversations between the girls and us; they seemed to be a lot like us, although they liked The Beatles and we liked Elvis, which seems crazy, because Elvis is the king. Other than that, we seemed to be a lot alike. It was really… weird. Remembering the Socs that had beat me up, these didn't seem anything like they way they should act, even girls. I thought all Socs would be tough, cold, and mean, but maybe everybody just wants… and needs… compassion. And some people just happen to give it back while others don't. I guess it's just the circle of life, if you look at it that way.

"You know, we seem to be alike in lots of ways," I remembered Ponyboy telling Cherry, "maybe it's just money that separates us."

What Cherry said was really deep. "No. It's not just money. Part of it is, but not all. You greasers have a different set of values. You're more emotional. We're sophisticated- cool to the point of not feeling anything. Nothing is real with us. You know, sometimes I'll catch myself talking to a girl-friend, and realize that I don't man half of that I'm saying. I don't really think a beer blast on the river bottom is super-cool, but I'll rave about one to a girl-friend just to be saying something." She then smiled at him. "I never told anyone that. I think you're the first person I've really gotten through to." She told him. After another minute of thinking, she started again. "Rat race is a perfect name for it. We're always going and going and going, and never asking where. Did you ever hear of having more than you wanted? So that you couldn't want anything else and then started looking for something else to want? It seems like we're always searching for something to satisfy us, and never finding it. Maybe if we could loose our cool we could."

"That's why we're separated," Ponyboy said. "It's not money, it's feeling- you don't feel anything and we feel too violently."

"And that's probably why we take turns getting out names in the paper." Cherry stated, hiding a smile.

I started to try to listen to Two-Bit and Marcia's flirty conversation, which was hard to follow. I didn't understand how it went from Mickey Mouse to football…? So instead, I tried to think to myself about what Cherry had said. It was very true, actually, if you really think about it. Ponyboy had once told me about a Soc-rumble he'd seen. _'The Socs even fought coldly and critically impersonally…'_ was what he had said. What else he told me just about made me want to crawl under the floor or something because of the images forming in my head. I suddenly remembered the beating I got again… they'd beaten me with no care in the world for what it did to me. They threatened me with no care, they'd done nothing with care. And what she had said about the rat-race thing seemed to actually… relate to me. Not completely, but kind of. I remembered the time of my life before I'd met the gang, so scared and I always felt that something was missing and I wanted to get something more, but I was scared of what my parents would do to me if I stole something or killed someone. I didn't want to be a hoodlum; I didn't want to have to steal stuff all the time just to feel whole. I ignored it, unlike Socs or Dallas, and when the gang found me, I was filled for the first time in my life. It felt like there was a black hole in my heart, needing to take something in… love, specifically. Maybe that was the solution to their problem, too…

My thoughts were interrupted when Marcia's gasp snapped me back to the street we were walking on. "Cherry, look what's coming."

We all turned around to see a blue Mustang driving down the street. Wait a second, that mustang was blue. My mind was filled with images of the lot and a blue Mustang pulling up and a boy with rings. I made a small noise in my throat and I was white when I realised who this Mustang belonged to.

Marcia started shifting around nervously. "What are we going to do?"

Cherry started biting on her fingernail. "Stand here. There isn't much else we can do." She told her.

"Who is it? The F.B.I?" Two-Bit asked casually.

"No, it's Randy and Bob." Cherry explained.

"And a few other of the socially elite checkered-shirt set." Two-Bit added.

I was startled to find that they knew these boys. I thought for a second, remembering why they were in the movie without a car. Their boyfriends had brought some booze along. So that means…

"Your boyfriends?" I asked, surprised that my voice was steady. But I could tell that I was trembling as the thoughts ran through my head of a day I was hunting a football to practice some kicks…

"Maybe they won't see us. Act normal." Cherry instructed as she started to walk down the street.

"Who's acting?" Two-Bit asked as he grinned. "I'm a natural normal."

"Wish it was the other way around." I heard Ponyboy say under his breath.

"Don't get mouthy, Ponyboy." Two-Bit warned.

I was surprised as that Mustang passed by us slowly. Marcia let out a relived sigh. "That was close."

"Tell me about your oldest brother. You don't talk much about him." Cherry told Ponyboy as she turned to him.

He was quiet for a minute. "What's to talk about? He's big and handsome and likes to play football."

"I mean, what's he like? I feel like I know Soda from the way you talk about him; tell me about Darry." Pony still stayed silent. "Is he wild and reckless like Soda? Dreamy, like you?" she urged.

"He's…" Ponyboy started, but paused. "He's not like Sodapop at all and he sure ain't like me. He's hard as a rock and about as human. He's got eyes exactly like frozen ice. He thinks I'm a pain in the neck. He likes Soda- everybody likes Soda- but he can't stand me. I bet he wished he could stick me in a home somewhere, and he'd do it, too, if Soda'd let him." He burst out.

Me and Two-Bit just stared at him. "No… no, Ponyboy, that ain't right… you got it wrong…" Two-Bit tried to explain.

"Gee, I thought you and Darry and Soda got along real well…" I said quietly.

"Well, we don't. An' you can just shut your trap, Johnny Cade, 'cause we all know you ain't wanted at home, either. And you can't blame them." Pony snapped.

I could feel m eyes grow round and I winced. That was worse than a beating from my unloving father. What had I done wrong?

Two-Bit slapped Ponyboy hard on the side of his head. "Shut your mouth, kid. If you wasn't Soda's kid brother I'd beat the tar out of you. You know better than to talk to Johnny like that." Then he put his hand on my shoulder. "He didn't mean it, Johnny."

"I'm sorry." Pony apologised. "I was just mad."

"It's the truth," I said, trying to give a grin. "I don't care." I didn't want Ponyboy to feel too bad for saying that, especially if it was the truth.

"Shut up talkin' like that," Two-Bit told me, messing my hair. "We couldn't get along without you, so you can just shut up!"

"It ain't fair!" Pony cried suddenly. "It ain't fair that we have all the rough breaks!"

"I know," Two-Bit agreed with a grin, "the chips are always down when it's our turn, but that's the way things are. Like it or lump it."

We stayed silent for a second, recovering from the small conversation. Then, that Mustang came down the street again, slower than before.

"Well, they've spotted us." Cherry said.

The Mustang stopped beside us, two boys in the front seat getting out. One was wearing a white shirt with a madras ski jacket, the other a light-yellow shirt with a wine-coloured sweater. I looked at them, realising who they were. The one wearing the wine sweater had three familiar rings on his hand. I couldn't even hear the conversation as I stared and stared at his hand, my breathing getting heavy. Visions of a blue Mustang, three rings, and blood were running through my mind.

"that's no reason to go waking the streets with these bums." The Soc wearing the ski jacket's voice broke into my visions. I slouched and hooked my thumbs in my pockets as Ponyboy stiffened.

Two-Bit placed his elbow on my shoulder. "Who you callin' bums?" he demanded.

"Listen, greasers, we got four more of us in the back seat…" the Soc said.

"Then pity the back seat." Two-Bit called to the sky.

"If you're looking for a fight…"

Two-Bit cocked one eyebrow. "You mean if I'm looking for a good jumping, you outnumber us, so you'll give it to us? Well…" he snatched an empty bottle and busted off the end, and then gave it to Ponyboy. He reached into his back pocket to flip out that switchblade of his. "Try it, pal."

"No!" Cherry suddenly cried. "Stop it! We'll ride home with you. Just wait a minute." She explained as she turned to that guy in the wine sweater. By then I remembered what some of those Socs had been calling those guys when I got jumped. By my memory, I think the guy in the wine sweater was Bob and the other one was Randy.

"Why? We ain't scared of them." Two-Bit questioned.

"I can't stand fights… I can't stand them…" Cherry said as she shuddered. Ponyboy pulled her to one side and started telling her that he couldn't cut anyone and dropped that bottle. They had a short conversation.

"I know, but we'd better go with them. Ponyboy… I mean… if I see you in the hall at school or someplace and don't say hi, well, it's not personal or anything, but…" Cherry was saying quietly.

"I know."

"We couldn't let our parents see us with you all. You're a nice boy and everything…"

"It's okay." Ponyboy reassured her. That was the last I heard of the conversation, because I was thinking about how the fight might turn out myself. Those Socs recognising me and getting their revenge for what we had done that night… and this time, it wouldn't be just me, either; Ponyboy and Two-Bit would be pulled into it, too, and I didn't want my friends to get hurt like I had…

I was snapped back to reality when the Mustang vroomed off. We started walking home in silence. After a few minutes, Two-Bit started talking.

"Well, those were two good-lookin' girls if I ever say any." He yawned as we sat on the curb at the vacant lot. He tore up a piece of paper from his pocket.

"What was that?"

"Marcia's number. Probably a phony one, too. I must have been outa my mind to ask for it. I think I'm a little soused. Y'all goin' home?"

"Not right now." Ponyboy said.

"I don't know why I handed you that busted bottle, you'd never use it." Two-Bit thought aloud.

"Maybe I would have. Where you headed?"

"Gonna go play a little snooker and hunt up a poker game. Maybe get rip-roarin' drunk. I dunno. See y'all tomorrow." He explained as he walked off.

Ponyboy and I stretched out onto our backs and watched the stars. I started thinking about those girls and the boys just taking them. I wondered why they would've gone with them like that. I knew there was probably more to it than just fights, like that Cherry girl had said, but all ideas eluded me. Would they have been embarrassed to be with us? The more I thought of that idea, the more it made sense. What kind of Soc girl wants to be seen with a bunch of greasers?

"It's because we're greasers," I thought aloud. "We could have hurt her reputation."

"I reckon." Ponyboy agreed.

I started to get that Mustang stuck in my head. I shivered, not from the freezing night air, but from some of the memories that it brought back. I started to try to focus on some more positive thoughts about the car.

"Man, that was a tuff car. Mustangs are tuff." I said.

"Big-time Socs, al right." Ponyboy commented.

I started thinking back to the night in detail, precisely about what Cherry had said. She said that feeling separated us. Why did they get all the good stuff, then? If they couldn't have feeling to enjoy it, why did they continue to get all the best perks? Why were we marked lousy? Why couldn't we get something good for once? Pictures from my childhood started running through my mind. My parents practically abusing me, hating me…

The pressure got to me and I started gasping in air as it started to get harder to breathe, and I had to speak my thoughts to make them not cause a pain in my chest.

"I can't much more. I'll kill myself or something." I cried.

"Don't! You can't kill yourself, Johnny." Ponyboy exclaimed, sitting up in alarm.

"Well, I won't. But I gotta do something. It seems there's gotta be someplace without greasers or Socs, with just people. Plain ordinary people."

"Out of the big towns. In the country…" Ponyboy started saying. It was like a lullaby, because he started trailing off and I started getting drowsy myself. Before I knew it, I was unconscious.

*****

I didn't know how long it had been since I'd last been awake, but when I awoke it was really dark and stars had moved. _Golly, _I thought,_ what time is it? _I suddenly remembered that Ponyboy was by my side, and what Darry might think. I started to panic.

"Ponyboy. Hey, Pony, wake up." I said, shaking him.

He sat up, trembling from the cold. "Glory, what time is it?" he asked drowsily as he looked at the stars that had moved.

"I don't know. I went to sleep, too, listening to you rattle on and on. You'd better get home. I think I'll stay all night out here." I explained.

"Okay." Pony yawned. "If you get cold or something come on over to our house."

"Okay." I told him as I heard his footsteps take him home. I tried to get to sleep again, but I couldn't; I could hear some shouting goin' on. It sounded like Darry, but he wouldn't be that mad at Pony, would he? After all, it was a mistake. The shouting continued to rattle on until I heard a loud BANG! Then I heard somebody running like the devil was after them. A sudden cry alerted me.

"Johnny!" It sounded like Ponyboy. I rolled over and nearly jumped up under his feet. "Come on, Johnny, we're running away." He told me.

We ran for who knows how long until our breath was lost. We started walking, and Pony was starting to bawl by then. He sat down on a curb and buried his face in his bare arms. I ain't never, and I mean never seen him bawl like that. What was going on? I sat down beside him, putting one hand on his shoulder.

"Easy, Ponyboy, we'll be okay." I said softly, trying to calm him down.

He wiped his eyes and his breath became quivering sobs. "Gotta cigarette?" he asked. I gave one to him and struck a match. "Johnny, I'm scared."

"Well, don't be. You're scarin' me. What happened? I never seen you bawl like that." I told him.

"I don't very often. It was Darry. He hit me. I don't know what happened, but I couldn't take him hollering at me and hitting me too. I don't know… sometimes we get along okay, then all of a sudden he blows up on me or else is naggin' at me all the time. He didn't use to be like that… we used to get along okay… before Mom and Dad died. Now he just can't stand me."

"I think I like it better when the old man's hittin' me." I sighed, thinking of my parents. "At least then he knows who I am. I walk in that house, and nobody says anything. I walk out, and nobody says anything. I stay away all night, and nobody notices. At least you got Soda. I ain't got nobody."

"Shoot, you got the whole gang. Dally didn't slug you tonight 'cause you're the pet. I mean, golly, Johnny, you got the whole gang." Pony told me.

"It ain't the same as having your own folks care about you. It just ain't the same." I explained.

"Let's walk to the park and back. Then maybe I'll be cooled off enough to go home." Pony said.

"Okay," I agreed. "Okay."

We started walking to the park, expecting for the rest of the night to just get better. We figured things couldn't get worse. Little did we know, we were walking right into a deathtrap.

**A/N: Duh duh duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!!!! Ooh, what's gonna happen?? Well, we already know, but let's pretend we don't, okay? **

**Please remember to R&R! Thx! **


	5. Horror Night

**A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated for a while!!!! I HATE the end of the term (we just finished term 2)! But now it's spring break, so I can write and update all I want!! :D YAAAAY!!!! **

**Sorry I haven't updated during Spring Break before now, though. I've been sick all week. :( But now I'm getting better! :D **

**Songs for this chapter: UGH!!!! I AM SO BAD AT THIS!! D: Please forgive me! **

The park was pretty empty at two-thirty a.m., but that was predicted from the time, so we were cooling down a little bit… or a lot. It was freezing; whenever I exhaled, my breath became visible in front of my face. I snapped up my jeans jacket, and then flipped up the collar. I glanced at Ponyboy, who was about trembling, using his arms unsuccessfully to keep himself from freezing to death.

"Ain't you about to freeze to death, Pony?" I asked, concerned.

"You ain't a'woofin'." He replied as he rubbed his arms faster. He was staring at the fountain, which had some ice developing in its outer edges.

Then suddenly, we both jumped from the surprise of a car horn blowing in the night. I started swearing under my breath because I could see that it was that blue Mustang. "What do they want? This is our territory. What are Socs doing this far east?" Ponyboy muttered.

"I don't know," I said as I shook my head. "But I bet they're looking for us. We picked up their girls."

"Oh, glory," Pony groaned, "this is all I need to top off a perfect night. Want to run for it?"

"It's too late now. Here they come." I told him as the car came closer, then stopped.

Five Socs came toward us. As if things weren't bad enough, they just had to be drunk, which just made us even more freaked out. I felt white as my trembling hand automatically reached to my back pocket. We started backing up to the nearly frozen fountain. I bet anyone a mile away could smell the whiskey and English Leather. I tried to stay cool, but was unable to. I couldn't take my eyes off the rings on Bob's hand. The moonlight made it worse, because it made them even easier to see in the dark, cold night.

"Hey, whatta you know? Here's the little greasers that picked up our girls. Hey, greasers." Bob announced, his voice unsteady.

"You're outa your territory. You'd better watch it." I warned them in a low voice.

Randy swore and stepped closer to us. Bob was eyeing me, remembering me. "Nup, pal, yer the ones who'd better watch it. Next time you want a broad, pick up yer own kind- dirt." He told me. "You know what a greaser is? White trash with long hair." He continued.

I made kind of a gasp. That was worse than getting cussed or sworn at, or getting beaten by them months ago.

The blood drained from Pony's face. "You know what a Soc is?" he asked them, his voice shaking from the rage he felt, the same rage that was burning inside me. "White trash with Mustangs and madras." Then, he spat at them.

Bob simply shook his head and smiled slowly. "You could use a bath, greaser. And a good working over. And we've got all night to do that. Give the kid a bath, David."

Ponyboy ducked and tried to run, but that David guy got his arm and twisted it behind his back, then he shoved his face in the fountain. I could tell he was fighting, because I heard splashing and cussing and swearing from him and the Socs around him. That was all I heard, though, because I was too distracted from what Bob was doing.

He was smiling as he reached in his back pocket, and I already knew what he was doing. He must've had a blade; there was no other reason for him to be reaching back there, unless he was just trying to scare me. My breathing became heavy, I turned white, my eyes went wide, and I was trembling. Randy was beside him, glaring at me. I was scared stiff, and I didn't know what to do and before I knew it, I was stabbing Bob. His scream filled the night, and the other guys looked toward us.

I didn't know what was happening. My mind was empty, yet visions and sounds of cussing and swearing and the Mustang horn ran through my mind all at once. I saw my parents, wondering if they would think I hated this guy and finally accept me. I thought of the gang, and how disappointed they might be, or even shocked. I thought of Bob the first day I ever saw him, in the lot. I saw everything about him- his rings, his madras shirt, his smile. I became horrified and pulled the knife out of the now dead corpse that used to be Bob.

His drunken followers were shocked. I could see it in their eyes. They continued to stare until they might've realised that I could turn on them any minute. They dropped Ponyboy and ran off, leaving their dead leader behind.

I walked over to Pony and dragged him out of the fountain. I lay him on the ground as he gasped for air, which made me relieved to see that he was alive. I then sat beside him, putting one elbow on my knee, the one that was holding my now blood covered switchblade. I stared at the body lying in the moonlight, trying to think. It all had happened so fast I could hardly breathe. Then I could hear Pony pushing himself up, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see he was looking at me, wondering what was going on.

"I killed him. I killed that boy." I said slowly, unable to say anything else.

"Johnny, I think I'm gonna be sick." He explained to me as he took in the image of the boy lying on the pavement.

"Go ahead. I won't look at you." I told him. He turned his head and was sick for a minute.

"You really killed him, huh, Johnny?" he asked me, trying to get the facts straight.

"Yeah. I had to. They were drowning you, Pony. They might have killed you. And they had a blade… they were gonna beat me up…"

"Like… like they did before?" Ponyboy broke in as he swallowed.

I paused for a minute. "Yeah, like they did before." I finally said. Then I started to explain what had happened. "They ran when I stabbed them. They all ran…"

I said some other stuff, but I wasn't concentrating on it because I was looking at Ponyboy's face. He looked like he had just seen a ghost or something.

"Johnny!" he nearly screamed. "What are we gonna do? They put you in the electric chair for killing people! I'm scared, Johnny. What are we gonna do?" he was shaking by then. To my surprise, he started screaming.

I jumped up and dragged him up by his sweat shirt and shook him. "Calm down, Ponyboy. Get ahold of yourself." I told him, trying desperately to calm him down. I had already had enough stress that night, and his screaming only scared me more.

He stared at me for a few seconds, probably trying to figure out what I meant. He most likely didn't realise he was screaming. "Okay, I'm okay now." He said when he realised what was going on.

I let go of him and looked around, slapping my pockets nervously. "We gotta get outa here. Get somewhere. Run away. The police'll be here soon." I started explaining as Ponyboy trembled. I was pretty nervous, too; my hands were twitching. "We'll need money. And maybe a gun. And a plan." I finally stated. I thought for a second, thinking how we would get those. Then I had an idea. "Dally. Dally'll get us outa here."

Pony sighed. "Where can we find him?"

"I think at Buck Merril's place. There's a party over there tonight. Dally said somethin' about it this afternoon." I explained. Then we ran off into the night, looking for help.

*****

All the way to Buck's, I was thinking about how Dally was. Was he drunk? If he was, maybe we shouldn't bother him… knowing him, he'd be in a dangerous mood. But I was scared stiff; I didn't know what to do about this whole mess. We had to ask him for some help, because otherwise… I don't know. I was just confused. I didn't know what to do or think or anything. I could hardly breathe, even.

I could hear the Hank Williams from a block away. I hated Hank Williams. It was like sandpaper on my nerves, and I bet Ponyboy felt the same way. It got even worse when Buck answered the door. In one hand he had a can of beer.

"Whatta ya want?" he asked us.

"Dally!" I gulped as I looked over my shoulder to be sure no one else was there. "We gotta see Dally."

"He's busy." He snapped.

"Tell him it's Ponyboy and Johnny. He'll come." Pony commanded.

Buck glared at him a second, then walked off, or tried to. He seemed pretty drunk, and that only made me more fearful of Dally.

In a few minutes he came, scratching the hair on his chest, only wearing a pair of low-cut jeans. At least he didn't seem to be in a dangerous mood, which surprised Pony and me both.

"Okay, kids, whatta ya need me for?" he asked us tiredly.

I started pouring out the whole story, starting from when we started walking to the park. He didn't even bat an eye. The most he did was grin and say "Good for you" when I told him how I stabbed Bob.

"I figured you could get us out if anyone could. I'm sorry we got you away from the party." I finally finished.

"Oh, shoot, kid" - Dally said as he glanced over his shoulder – "I was in the bedroom." He suddenly stared at Ponyboy. I looked at him, too; his ears were crimson red. "Glory, but your ears can get red, Ponyboy." I think I know what he was thinking of. Then Dally grinned, amused. "It wasn't anything like that, kid. I was asleep, or tryin' to be, with all this racket. Hank Williams…" – he rolled his eyes as he added some more adjectives after 'Hank Williams'. "Me and Shepard had a run-in and I cracked some ribs. I just needed a place to lay over." He rubbed his side. "Ol' Tim sure can pack a punch. He won't be able to see outa an eye for a week." He sighed as he looked us over. "Well, wait a sec and I'll see what I can do about this mess." Then he observed Pony more closely. "Ponyboy, are you wet?"

"Y-y-yes-s." he stammered as his teeth refused to stop chattering.

"Glory hallelujah!" Dally said as he opened the screen door and pulled him in, then motioned for me to follow. "You'll die of pneumonia 'fore the cops ever get you."

He half-dragged and swore at Ponyboy into the empty bedroom the entire way. "Get that sweat shirt off." He told him as he tossed a towel to him. "Dry off and wait here. At least Johnny's got his jeans jacket. You ought to know better than to runaway in just a sweat shirt, and a wet one at that. Don't you ever use your head?" Pony just stared at him. I remembered about Darry.

When Dally left, I lay back on the bed. "Wish I had me a weed." I thought aloud. I was still nervous.

Pony's knees were shaking as he finished drying off, and he just sat there in his jeans. He must've been freezing. _Well, at least he isn't dead…_ I thought to myself. If I hadn't have killed that guy Bob, he'd be just a corpse in the fountain right now. I shivered at the images it brought, both images of Ponyboy as a corpse, and of Darry beating the snot outa me.

Dally came back shortly. He closed the door carefully to avoid suspicion. "Here" – he said as he handed us a roll of bills and a gun – "the gun's loaded." He warned. It was a little too late though, because I was already taking interest. I hadn't noticed I had pointed it in Dally's direction. "For Pete's sake, Johnny, don't point that thing at me. Here's fifty bucks. That's all I could get out of Merril tonight. He's blowin' his loot from that last race. Pony, do Darry and Sodapop know about this?" he asked.

Ponyboy shook his head. Dally let out a sigh of disappointment. "Boy howdy, I ain't itchin' to be the one to tell Darry and get my head busted."

"Then don't tell him." Pony told him.

Dally quickly forgot about Darry and Sodapop and moved on. "Here!" he said as he handed Pony a shirt that was obviously too big. "It's Buck's- you an' him ain't exactly the same size, but it's dry." He then handed Ponyboy another clothing item, this time it was his own jacket, the worn brown one that had the yellow sheep's-wool lining. "It'll get cold where you're going, but you can't risk being loaded down with blankets." He warned.

Pony started buttoning the shirt up, and I would've laughed if I hadn't been so scared. It about swallowed him alive. "Hop the three-fifteen freight to Windrixville. There's an old abandoned church on top of Jay Mountain. There's a pump in the back so don't worry about water. Buy a week's supply of food as soon as you get there- this morning, before the story gets out, and then don't so much as stick your noses out the door. I'll be up there as soon as I think it's clear." He instructed. "Man, I thought New York was the only place I could get mixed up in a murder rap." He added.

At the word 'murder', I heard myself subconsciously make a small noise in my throat and I found myself shuddering. I didn't mean to kill him. Honest I didn't! I was so scared, and I didn't know what to do…

Before I knew it, we were being let out the door by Dallas. "Git goin'!" he messed up my hair. "Take care, kid." He told me softly.

"Sure, Dally, thanks." I said, and then we ran into the dark night again.

*****

When we got there, we crouched in some weeds by beside the tracks and listened to that whistle blow louder. Finally, the train screeched to a halt. "Now." I whispered. We ran and pulled ourselves up into a boxcar. We quickly pressed ourselves against the side, and held our breath when the railroad worker walked up and down outside. One nearly caught us, but he didn't see us. The train soon started up.

"The first stop'll be Windrixville," I started to think aloud as I put down that gun as carefully as I could. I shook my head. "I don't see why he gave me this. I couldn't shoot anybody."

Then I realized that I was capable of killing someone. I had stabbed someone, a teenager at that. I had killed a young, handsome Soc. I had never pictured myself doing something like that. I just didn't know what to do. I was so scared; they were drowning Ponyboy. I couldn't stand it anymore, how they thought that just because they lived on the west side they thought that they could be better than us and boss us around. I just broke down then and there. I suddenly remembered earlier that night, when I broke down and bawled right before we stared at the stars and dropped off.

I was taken slightly by surprise when I felt Pony place his head on my legs. I jerked my head and saw him already unconscious. My mouth curled up slightly into a smile. He looked like he needed a rest, and he did. He'd had a rough night, so I decided to let him rest until it was time for Windrixville. It was going to be a long night.

*****

I was nearly asleep when I suddenly realized we were in Windrixville. I quickly shook Ponyboy and told him to jump off. I bet he wasn't even awake until we rolled on the dewy grass. We lay there for a minute, breathing heavily, until I realized that there was a sharp pain in my legs.

"Blast it, Ponyboy" – I was rubbing my legs – "you must have put my legs to sleep. I can't even stand up. I barley got off that train."

"I'm sorry. Why didn't you wake me up?" he apologized.

"That's okay. I didn't want to wake you up until I had to." I told him.

"Now how do we find Jay Mountain?" he asked me.

I thought for a minute. "Go ask someone. The story won't be in the paper yet. Make like a farm boy taking a walk or something."

"I don't look like a farm boy." He complained. I suddenly realized that neither of us really looked like anything besides hoods. I studied Ponyboy, who was observing me. He had a tough look with his long, greased hair combed back and his jeans. His slouching habit might have some consequences. We looked at ourselves, and I thought _Have I always looked this tough?_ Man, did we need a makeover.

"I'll have to stay here." I started explaining, rubbing my legs some more. "You go down the road and ask the first person you see where Jay Mountain is." I suddenly winced at the pain in my legs. "Then come back. And fore Pete's sake, run a comb through your hair and quit slouching down like a thug." For a minute, I thought I sounded like some sort of nagging mother.

Ponyboy pulled out a comb and started combing it carefully. "I guess I look okay now, huh, Johnny?" he asked when he had finished.

I was studying him again. "You know, you look an awful lot like Sodapop, the way you've go your hair and everything. I mean, except your eyes are green."

He was reddening. "They ain't green, they're grey. And I look about as much like Soda as you do." He got to his feet. "He's good-looking."

"Shoot," I said with a grin, "you are, too."

He didn't say anything else as he climbed over the barbed-wire fence. I couldn't help but laugh at his attempt. Then he started walking down that red dirt road.

As he did that, I started thinking… what was the gang up to right now? Was Dally okay? How were Darry and Sodapop? What would Two-Bit or Steve think? Knowing the cops, Dally would probably be hauled in soon. I was relieved to know the boys didn't know by now. But when they did know, would they be upset? Surprised? Happy? Why? A thousand questions ran through my head as Pony talked to a sunburned farmer he found. I got a sudden headache, and it was either because of the questions or because I hadn't had any sleep that night. The pain was gone by the time Ponyboy came back, though.

We started walking up the road, which led to the church. It was gettin' harder and harder with every step; I got steeper and it was farther than I thought it would be. I noticed that I was too tired to walk in a straight line, and my legs felt like stone. It was the most torturous forty-five minutes I've ever lived, so I was joyful to climb through a back window, even though it led to spider webs and an old church.

Being in a church, I remembered the last time I'd ever been to one, which was a couple months before. Ponyboy really wanted to get Soda to come with one morning, but Soda wasn't going unless Steve came along, and Two-Bit thought he might as well. Darry and Dally couldn't come, though, so it was just the five of us. We sat in the back, as usual, when Soda, Steve, and Two-Bit started throwing paper wads around and clowning around. That is, until Steve accidentally dropped a hymn book, which made quite a loud BANG, which got everyone turn to look at us, which caused Two-Bit wave at them, which was what got Pony and I stop going to church. It was just too embarrassing for me to go to church anymore after that.

As I continued to look at Ponyboy to make sure he was okay or that he wouldn't collapse from being so tired, I noticed that he looked pretty creeped out. I wasn't surprised; if you'd ever get in that church, you'd know what I mean. It gave the both of us a feeling of premonition.

I was surprised when Pony flopped down on the floor, because he had more sense than to just throw himself on hard wood. I guess he was tireder than I thought.

I stretched out beside him and used my head as a pillow. I was asleep after a few seconds.

**A/N: Hope you liked it, and I hope I like your reviews!! :D Thx!! Oh, yeah, and I apologize for any typos, like the one Miyu the Homicidal Maniac for chapter 1 for 'bib', which was supposed to be 'bub'. I'll be sure to fix it asap! **


	6. Away From Home

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in FOREVER, but I'll explain that later. The good thing is that I'm updating again now. Man, I owe you guys A LOT, don't I? You know, since I haven't updated in… how long? And besides, I have 21 AWESOME reviews, you guys are just great! :D And if I haven't said this already, 'cause I don't think I have, but just so you know I don't own 'The Outsiders', although I wish I was S.E. Hinton… *sigh* **

**Songs for this chapter: Umm... you already know I'm bad at this, so you get why I don't have one right now. **

**Enjoy! :D **

When I woke up, it was early morning. I was confused for a minute, wondering why I awoke on a hard wooden floor, then I remembered that I had killed somebody last night and that Ponyboy and I had run away to Windrixville. I remembered it all; the movies with Cherry and Dallas fighting and Marcia and Two-Bit flirting, and the conversation Ponyboy and Cherry had had.

_Ponyboy, _I thought, remembering he was there with me. I turned to wake him, but stopped. He looked so peaceful, just lying there. I saw the circles under his eyes and thought, _he needs some more rest._ I got up, careful not to wake Pony, and wrote a note on the dust in the floor that read _Went to get supplies. Be back soon. J.C_., threw my jacket over him, and walked off.

It was a surprisingly long walk to the local store; it was two and a half miles. It took a while, maybe around forty minutes, before I found it. Nothing much exciting happened there, except for this one guy that bought everything I did, and when I asked him if he was stalking me, he simply said 'no' and walked off. Chills ran down my spine when I saw him. But, that's not important.

I bought two loafs of bread, enough baloney to last us a week, and some candy bars for food, which I thought would be enough. I saw a book section and instantly thought of Ponyboy as I walked to a shelf. Then I saw a name that I recognized; _Gone with the Wind_. I wondered where I'd heard that name before until I remembered that Pony and I had seen a movie about it once. I snatched the paperback copy at once, thinking it would make Ponyboy the happiest horse-named boy in the world, and that it would get time to fly by as we hid. I also got a deck of cards to kill the time, and some cigarettes. I was just about done when I thought of something; disguises. If we ever accidentally got seen, we would have to have some backup plan. Sure we could cut our hair, but people might still recognize Ponyboy. They wouldn't recognize me with short hair, that was a sure thing, since my bangs were always in my face. Then I saw it; Peroxide. I grabbed it and hurried over to the checkout, worried the story might be out soon.

My way back to the store was longer than the walk there, since I now had a big package with me and I had to be careful about not being caught. I got back late in the afternoon and wondered where Ponyboy was, until I heard somebody rushing into the back door. I grinned and performed our signature whistle for 'Who's there?'; a whistle that starts low, but ends in a high note. He returned it, and before I knew it, he was running to me like a kid on Christmas morning and fell flat right under my nose. He then propped himself on his elbows and grinned at me. "Hey, Johnny. Fancy meetin' you here."

I looked at him over my full package. "I swear, Ponyboy, you're gettin' to act more like Two-Bit every day."

He only unsuccessfully cocked an eyebrow, and to top it off, he said "Who's acting?" He rolled over and jumped up. "What'd you get?" he asked. Now he sounded like some kid on Christmas morning.

"Come on inside. Dally told us to stay inside." I instructed.

We walked in and I dusted off a table with my jacket. I started to take things out of my sack and lined them up neatly. "A week's supply of baloney, two loaves of bread, a box of matches…" I continued, then stopped when I saw he was taking stuff out himself.

"Wheee!" he sat on a dusty chair and just stared at the object in his hand. "A paperback copy of _Gone with the Wind_! How'd you know I always wanted one?"

I reddened, feeling a little embarrassed, and said "I remembered you sayin' something about it once. And me and you went to see that movie, 'member? I thought you could maybe read it out loud and help kill time or something."

"Gee, thanks." He put the book down unwillingly, his expression clearly showing that he wanted to start it. He got back to taking everything out of the package, though. "Peroxide? A deck of cards…" he suddenly paused as he realised. "Johnny, you ain't thinking of..."

I sat down and pulled my knife out. "We're gonna cut our hair, and you're gonna bleach yours." I looked down at the ground and continued. "They'll have our descriptions in the paper. We can't fit 'em."

"Oh, no!" he cried as his hands rushed to his hair. "No, Johnny, not my hair!"

I kept in a groan. I knew he would react like this. Shoot, and I thought that paperback copy of _Gone with the Wind_ might've softened him up a little. Well, that goes to show that the boy likes his hair better than reading.

"We'd have to anyway if we got caught. You know the first thing the judge does is make you get a haircut."

"I don't see why. Dally could just as easily mug somebody with short hair." He replied sourly.

"I don't know either- it's just a way of trying to break us. They can't really do anything to guys like Curly Shepard or Tim; they've had about everything done to them. And they can't take anything away from them because they don't have anything in the first place. So they cut their hair."

He looked at me imploringly. I sighed. "I'm gonna cut mine too, and wash the grease out, but I can't bleach it. I'm too dark-skinned to look okay blond. Oh, come on, Ponyboy," I pleaded. "It'll grow back."

"Okay," he said as his eyes grew wide. "Get it over with."

I flipped the razor-edge of my switch, grabbed his long hair, and started sawing. He shuddered. "Not too short. Johnny, please…" he begged.

When I finished, he looked at the floor, examining his hair. "It's lighter than I thought it was." He continued to stare. "Can I see what I look like now?"

"No," I said slowly, staring at him. "We gotta bleach it first."

After he'd sat in the sun to dry the bleach for fifteen minutes, I let him look in an old cracked mirror we'd found. As he looked at himself, I took the whole surprising image in. His hair was real light, and I mean light; it was even lighter than Soda's. It was combed to the side differently than he'd ever done. His ears stuck out and the look on his face said; _Man, do I ever look tuff._

I handed them my knife. Man, after seeing him, was I ever scared. "Cut the front and thin out the rest. I'll comb it back after I wash it."

"Johnny, you can't wash your hair in that freezing water in this weather. You'll get a cold." He told me.

I shrugged and said in response: "Go ahead and cut it."

He cut it and I washed my hair after he was done, using the soap I bought. He gave me Dally's jacket and I gladly wrapped up in as I sat on the back steps in the sunlight, shivering. It felt weird, not having my bangs in my face all the time. "I guess," I said weakly, "I guess we're disguised."

Pony leaned back next to me. "I guess so."

"Oh, shoot, it's just hair." I tried to say cheerfully.

"Shoot nothing." He snapped. "It took me a long time to get that hair just the way I wanted it. And besides, this just ain't us. It's like being in a Halloween costume we can't get out of."

"Well, we got to get used to it. We're in big trouble and it's out looks or us."

He only opened a candy bar and started to eat it. "I'm still tired." He sighed and started crying. He brushed off the tears quickly, hoping I hadn't seen them.

"I'm sorry I cut your hair off, Ponyboy." I apologised.

"Oh, it ain't that." He explained between bites of his chocolate bar. "I mean, not all of it. I'm just a little spooky. I really don't know what's the matter. I'm just mixed up."

"I know. Things have been happening so fast…" my teeth chattered, preventing me from continuing, until Pony put his arm across my shoulders, warming me up a bit.

"Two-Bit shoulda been in that little one-horse store. Man, we're in the middle of nowhere; the nearest house is two miles away. Things were layin' out wide open, just waitin' for somebody slick like Two-Bit to come and pick 'em up. He coulda walked out with half the store." I leaned back. "Good ol' Two-Bit," my voice quavered as thoughts of home ran though my head. Man, was I sure homesick.

"Remember how he was wisecrackin' last night? Last night… just last night we were walkin' Cherry and Marcia over to Two-Bit's. Just last night we were layin' in the lot, lookin' up at the stars and dreaming…"

As he said that, every little detail of the night before came to me. The girls, the movies, the mustang, the rings, the boy… my teeth automatically clenched together as I couldn't take it. I couldn't take the memories that would haunt me forever, never to leave me alone. Never… to… leave… me… alone…

"Stop it!" I suddenly gasped between my clenched teeth, my heart pounding quickly in my chest so hard I could hardly breathe. "Shut up about last night! I killed a kid last night. He couldn't of been over seventeen or eighteen, and I killed him. How'd you like to live with that?" I was crying by then. Pony held me the way Soda held me the day I first met Bob and his rings…

"I didn't mean to," I blurted out, "but they were drownin' you, and I was so scared…" I paused for a minute, thoughts rushing through my head, when finally I said "There sure is a lot of blood in people." I suddenly got up and paced back in forth, slapping my pockets.

"Whatta we gonna do?" he asked as he began to cry. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, but tears came from his them anyway.

"This is my fault," I said, feeling miserable about what I'd done. I stopped crying by the time he started. "For bringin' a little thirteen-year-old kid along. You ought to go home. You can't get into any trouble. You didn't kill him."

"No!" he suddenly screamed at me. "I'm fourteen! I've been fourteen for a month! And I'm in it as much as you are. I'll stop crying in a minute… I can't help it…"

I sat down beside him. "I didn't mean that, Ponyboy. Don't cry, Pony, we'll be okay. Don't cry…" I begged. He leaned against me and cried until he was asleep. I forget when, but I fell asleep at some point, too.

I woke up again late that night. I was sleeping against the wall, Ponyboy on my shoulder. I grinned in spite of myself; it was good to see the kid when it seemed he wasn't in pain. I leaned my head back again for a few minutes and tried to rest again because gosh, I was tired, until I heard Pony yawn something.

"Johnny? You awake?"

"Yeah." I replied softly.

"We ain't gonna cry no more, are we?"

"Nope. We're all cried out now. We're gettin' used to the idea. We're gonna be okay now." I told him.

"That's what I thought." He replied drowsily and went back to sleep. I yawned and closed my eyes, too.

The next few days crawled by. We mostly read _Gone with the Wind_ and played poker. Even though Pony had to explain a lot of the book because I don't know a thing about the Civil War and plantations, I loved that book, especially the Southern gentlemen.

Ponyboy was reading the part when they rode into sure death because they're gallant. "I bet they were cool ol' guys." I said. "They remind me of Dally."

"Dally?" Pony seemed surprised. "Shoot, he ain't got any more manners than I do. And you saw how he treated those girls the other night. Soda's more like them Southern boys."

"Yeah… in the manners bit, and the charm, too, I guess," I agreed slowly, "but one night I saw Dally gettin' picked up by the fuzz, and he kept real cool and calm the whole time. They was gettin' him for breakin' out the windows on the school building, and it was Two-Bit who did that. And Dally knew it. But he just took the sentence without battin' an eye or even denyin' it. That's gallant." I continued, remembering.

Ponyboy just stared at me for a minute, shrugged, and read on.

Another thing we did was go to the back and sit on the steps, looking out to the valley. We never went out front; farm kids went by to the market. Golly, it was beautiful out there; we could see as far as the eye could see, looking at the highway and houses and cars. Ponyboy couldn't watch the sunset, though; the back faced east. But he coped, because there was a great view in the back.

One morning, I was barely conscious when Pony got up suddenly. I opened my eyes, wondering what was going on, and followed him. He sat on the steps and smoked a cigarette to watch the sunrise. I sat down beside him, watching.

The entire lower valley was covered with the mist, and small pieces of it sometimes broke off, floating away into small clouds. In the east, the sky was lighter, and the horizon was made of a thin golden line. Clouds changed from grey to pink, the mist just touched with gold. There was a moment when everything stood still, then the sun rose.

"Golly, that sure was pretty." I said. Ponyboy jumped, and I guessed that he didn't see me there.

"Yeah," he sighed.

"The mist was what was pretty. All gold and silver." I continued.

"Uhmmmm," was Pony's reply as he tried blowing a smoke ring.

"Too bad it couldn't stay like that all the time."

"Nothing gold can stay." Pony suddenly said.

"What?"

"_Nature's first green is gold, _

_Her hardest hue to hold. _

_Her early leaf's a flower; _

_But only so an hour. _

_Then leaf subsides to leaf, _

_So Eden sank to grief. _

_So dawn goes down to day, _

_Nothing gold can stay._"

I stared at him. "Where'd you learn that? That's what I meant."

"Robert Frost wrote it." He explained. "He meant more to it than I'm gettin', though. I always remembered it because I never got quite what he meant by it."

"You know, I never noticed colours and clouds and stuff until you kept reminding me about them. I seems like they were never there before." I paused, thinking for a minute. "You family sure is funny."

"And what happens to be so funny about it?" Pony asked stiffly.

I looked at him quickly, regretting what I had said. "I didn't mean nothing. I meant, well, Soda looks like your mother did, but he acts just exactly like your father. And Darry is the spittin' image of your father, but he ain't wild and laughing all the time like he was. He acts like your mother. And you don't act like either one."

"I know." He told me, then paused to think. "Well, you ain't like any of the gang. I mean, I couldn't tell Two-Bit or Steve or even Darry about the sunrise and clouds and stuff. I mean, they just don't dig. Just you and Sodapop. And maybe Cherry Valance."

I shrugged. "Yeah," I sighed. "I guess we're different."

"Shoot," Ponyboy began as he blew a perfect smoke ring, "maybe _they_ are."

I smiled and we watched the valley most of the day.

By day five, Pony rarely ate because he was getting just about as sick of baloney as I was. I wished we'd saved our candy bars a little more wisely instead of eating them all in the first two days. Ponyboy continually asked me to buy him some Pepsi, and I kept on telling him to wait 'till we needed some more supplies. I was kind of funny, actually, when he begged on his knees. We both laughed about it. He smoked a lot, too, maybe 'cause he was bored or maybe it replaced his addiction for Pepsi for a while. I warned him that he'd get sick from all that smoking, though, and on the fifth day, he did. In _Gone with the Wind_, he'd read 'till Sherman's siege of Atlanta. Also, he owed me a hundred an' fifty bucks from Poker. I swear, he's the worst Poker player in the world.

He hadn't had a thing to eat all day, and he decided to smoke a cigarette. When he told me he wasn't feelin' too great, I told him to sleep it off for a while, then told him I'd be on the back steps reading _Gone with the Wind_. When I was in the middle of trying to read it, I heard our official whistle for 'Who's There?'. I got suspicious; Ponyboy was supposed to be sleeping. I remained suspicious until I remembered Dally's instructions; "I'll be up there as soon as I think it's clear." And then, a grin spread across my face as I realized Dally was finally here.

I quickly jumped up excitedly and, trying to stay calm, fast-walked over where I heard Dally's voice:

"Glory, he looks different with his hair like that."

"Hey, Dally!"

I walked in when Dally was saying "Hey, Ponyboy! Or should I say sleeping beauty?"

I had to stifle a laugh and grin up at him; Dally could act cool and calm no matter what. I didn't even get a chance to introduce my arrival, though, 'cause questions started flowing out of Pony like a waterfall. "How's Sodapop? Are the fuzz after us? Is Darry all right? Do the boys know where we are? What-"

"Hold on, kid," Dally interrupted. "I can't answer everything at once. You two want to go get something to eat first? I skipped breakfast and I'm about starved."

"_You're_ starved?" I questioned, my voice nearly squeaking. Did he realise that all Pony and I had had to eat for a week was baloney and candy bars?

"Is it safe to go out?" Ponyboy asked a little too eagerly.

"Yep." Dally answered as he searched in his shirt pocket, looking for a cigarette. When he realized that he didn't have any, he asked "Gotta cancer stick, Johnny?"

I tossed him the entire pack, feeling too lazy to dig one out.

"The fuzz won't be lookin' for you around here," Dally started as he lit up. "They think you've lit out for Texas. I've got Buck's T-bird parked down the road a little way. Goshamighty, boys, ain't you been eatin' anything?"

I was surprised. "Yeah. Whatever gave you the idea you ain't?"

Dally simply shook his head and said, "You're both pale and you've lost weight. After this, get out in the sun more. You look like you've been through the mill."

I looked at Ponyboy, who was observing Dally, probably thinking of the stubble of beard on his jaw. For the first time that week, I noticed how much weight he'd lost. Had he always been that pale? Then, feeling insecure, I looked down to my own arms to see how pale I was.

"Hey, Ponyboy" – Dally said as he fumbled with some paper in his pocket – "I gotta letter for you."

"A letter? Who from?"

"The President, of course, stupid. It's from Soda."

"Sodapop?" Pony asked, confused. "But how did he know…?"

"He came over to Buck's a couple of days ago for something and found that sweat shirt. I told him I didn't know where you were, but he didn't believe me. He gave me this letter and half his pay check to give you. Kid, you ought to see Darry. He's takin' this mighty hard…" he continued to say more stuff, but I was too busy thinking about the gang. All of a sudden, for the first time in days, I wondered what had happened to the gang. Not just what they thought of what I'd done- what was happening to them. I figured it would all be the same, besides the fact we were gone, but were they gettin' into any trouble? Were they okay?

Suddenly, after a few minutes of reading through Soda's letter, Ponyboy asked Dally "How come you got hauled in?"

"Shoot, kid" – he grinned at Ponyboy wolfishly – "them boys at the station know me by now. I get hauled in for everything that happens in our turf. While I was there I kinda let it slip that y'all were headin' for Texas. So that's where they're lookin'."

He then took a drag on the cigarette in his mouth, then cussed it because it wasn't a Kool. I was listening in admiration, wishing I could be like him, even though he cussed cigarettes. "You sure can cuss good, Dally."

"Sure can," he agreed. "But don't you kids get to pickin' up my bad habits." He rubbed Pony's head hard. "Kid, I swear it don't look like you with your hair all cut off. It used o look tuff. You and Soda had the coolest-lookin' hair in town."

"I know. I look lousy, but don't rub it in." Ponyboy told him sourly.

I could just hardly see Dallas smile at Pony's reaction. "Do y'all want somethin' to eat or not?"

Pony and I leaped up at the same time at the mention of food that didn't have baloney in it. "You'd better believe it." Ponyboy answered.

"Gee, it sure will be good to get into a car again." I said wistfully.

"Well," drawled Dally, "I'll give you a ride for your money." I hid a smile as we walked out.

It seemed surprisingly hard for me to remember that Dally liked to drive fast. We were doing eighty-five coming down the dirt road going off Jay Mountain. Sure, Pony and I love fast driving; I'm crazy for drag racing and he's related to Soda, but we felt a little sick when Dally turned a corner on two wheels, brakes screaming. It was probably because we hadn't been in a car for a week.

We ate at the local Dairy Queen, and Ponyboy asked for a Pepsi first thing. I stifled a chuckle as I asked for some barbecue sandwiches and banana splits. Dally looked surprised as he ordered all that food; that was more than even he usually ate. He looked amazed as he watched us stuff our faces. "Glory. You don't need to make like every mouthful's you last. I got plenty of money. Take it easy, I don't want you gettin' sick on me. And I thought I was hungry!"

I simply ate faster, ignoring his command. Ponyboy ate a little faster, but then slowed down. He probably got a brain freeze.

"I didn't tell y'all something," Dally said as he was finishing his third hamburger. "The Socs and us are having an all-out warfare all over the city. That kid you killed had plenty of friends and all over town it's Soc against grease. We can't walk alone at all. I started carryin' a heater…"

"Dally!" Pony interrupted, a little scared. "You kill people with heaters!"

"Ya kill 'em with switchblades, too, don't ya, kid?" Dally said seriously. I gulped, remembering the scream that cut through the silence of the night… "Don't worry," Dally's voice interrupted my thoughts, "it ain't loaded. I ain't aimin' to get picked up for murder. But it sure does help a bluff. Tim Shepard's gang and our outfit are havin' it out with the Socs tomorrow night at the vacant lot. We got hold of the president of one of their social clubs and had a war council. Yeah" – he sighed, remembering New York – "just like the good old days. If they win, things go an as usual. If we do, they stay outa our territory but good. Two-Bit got jumped a few days ago. Darry and me came along in time, but he wasn't havin' too much trouble. Two-Bit's a good fighter. Hey, I didn't tell you we got us a spy."

"A spy?" I looked up from my banana split curiously. "Who?"

The most surprising answer came from Dally. "That good-lookin' broad I tried to pick up that night you killed the Soc. The redhead, Cherry what's-her-name."

**A/N: I know it's a long chapter, but hey, I'm separating the chapters according to how S.E. Hinton did, so this one is longer than the others since chapter five is pretty long (I know this is chapter six of my story, but remember chapter two in here isn't in 'The Outsiders'). **

**Again, I'm SO sorry I haven't updated in more than a MONTH, but I've been having a lot of tests lately, my family's doing renos on our kitchen, my friend invited me over to her house a week ago, I can hardly put down the books in the 'Uglies' series I'm reading right now, and I've just been generally busy, as you can now see. **

**Please remember to keep on giving me those wonderful reviews, I love getting them! :D I'll try to update more often, I promise! **


	7. Burning Heat

**A/N: okay, so I've been looking through my author's notes lately and noticed I haven't been very good at picking songs and stuff, so I've tried my best at finding one for this one! I'm SO sorry, like EVERY song is about dating and stuff, and this story isn't exactly about that. **

**Songs for this chapter: "No Grave" by Newsboys (this will come up again!) **

"**Save You" by Kelly Clarkson **

I gagged and Ponyboy looked stunned, almost dropping his hot-fudge sundae. "Cherry?" we asked together. "The Soc?"

"Yeah. She came over to the vacant lot the night Two-Bit was jumped. Shepard and some of his outfit and us were hanging around there when she drives up in her little ol' Sting Ray. That took a lot of nerve. Some of us was for jumping her then and there, but Two-Bit stopped us." Dally explained, then added "Man, next time I want a broad, I'll pick up my own kind."

"Yeah," I said slowly, remembering another deep voice, one that I recognised, saying 'Next time you want a broad, pick up your own kind…'

I nearly jumped at the sound of Dally's voice continuing: "She said she felt that the whole mess was her fault, which it is, and that she'd keep up with what was comin' of with the Socs in the rumble and would testify that the Socs were drunk and looking for a fight and that you fought back in self-defense." He laughed grimly before continuing. "That little gal sure does hate me. I offered to take her over to The Dingo for a Coke and she said 'No, thank you' and told me where I could go in very polite terms." He paused as he observed the scene. "Man, this place is out of it. What do they do for kicks around here, play checkers? I ain't never been in the country before. Have you two?"

I shook my head as Pony answered. "Dad used to take us all huntin'. I've been in the country before. How'd you know about the church?"

I looked at Dallas curiously, as I wanted to know the answer to that last question. "I got a cousin that lives around here somewheres. Tipped me off what it'd make a tuff hide-out in case of something. Hey, Ponyboy, I heard you was the best shot in the family."

"Yeah," he answered. "Darry always got the most ducks, though. Him and Dad. Soda and I goofed around too much, scared most of our game away."

"That was a good idea, I mean cuttin' your hair and bleachin' it. They printed your descriptions in the paper, but you sure wouldn't fit 'em now."

Dally paused, and I knew this would be the perfect time to tell him that I'd thought of turnin' myself in. I knew I had to get it over with, and I didn't want to live in an abandoned church my entire life, but gosh, my heart leaped up to my throat and was pounding, I was startin' to sweat, and a knot formed in my stomach. But, I finally spat the words out; "We're goin' back and turn ourselves in."

Dally took his turn of gagging, and when he was done, he swore, then turned to me and nearly yelled "What?"

"I said we're goin' back and turn ourselves in," I repeated quietly. "I got a good chance of bein' let off easy," I started explaining, trying to get him, and myself, convinced. "I ain't got no record with the fuzz and it was self-defense. Ponyboy and Cherry can testify to that. And I don't aim to stay in that church all my life." As I said that, my eyes grew wider as my fear of cops grew, but I had to continue. "We won't tell that you helped us, Dally, and we'll give you back the gun and what's left of the money and say we hitchhiked back so you won't get into trouble. Okay?"

I saw that Dally was busy destroying the corner on his ID card in his mouth, the card he used to buy liquor that showed his fake age of twenty-one. "You sure you want to go back? Us greasers get it worse than anyone else."

I nodded. "I'm sure. It ain't fair for Ponyboy to have to stay up in that church with Darry and Soda worryin' about him all the time. I don't guess…" – I swallowed as I tried my best not to look eager – "I don't guess my parents are worried about me or anything?"

"The boys are worried," Dally replied matter-of-factly. "Two-Bit was going to Texas to hunt for you."

"My parents," I repeated, determined to get an answer, "did they ask about me?"

"No, they didn't." Dally snapped. "Blast it, Johnny, what do they matter? Shoot, my old man don't give a hang whether I'm in jail or dead in a car wreck or drunk in the gutter. That don't bother me none."

I could only stare at the dashboard after he said that. It was already bad enough for me if any of the gang got mad at me, but if it was Dallas… well, let's just say being mad at by your hero really hurts.

I don't know how to explain it, and I don't know why, but sometimes I really care for my parents, even though my dad does hit me all the time and my mother doesn't care, but you know, they're your parents. What would you do if your parents didn't love you? What would you want if you were abused? All I'd ever wanted was to be loved, and not only by friends, but by family, too. Now, because of them, my closest family was the gang. Darry, Soda, Ponyboy, Two-Bit, Dallas and Steve. They're all I have… all I've ever had. Don't get me wrong; I love the gang, but you know, they're just not real family. Sometimes, just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

I was still staring at the dashboard when Dally vroomed the car to a start as he cussed under his breath. All I could think about was his anger and my selfish parents, the parents who had nearly abused me to death in my childhood. The parents who hated me. The parents who'd somehow taught me to hide my emotions, to get tough.

I was still thinking about these things when Dallas started growling at me. "Blast it, Johnny, why didn't you think of turning yourself in five days ago? It would have saved a lot of trouble."

"I was scared." I admitted. "I still am." I added as I ran my index finger down one of my short black sideburns. "I guess we ruined our hair for nothing, Ponyboy." I said as I turned my head slightly to look at him in the back seat.

"I guess so." He replied.

I noticed Dally scowling most of the way, and I remembered how no one, and I mean no one, messed with him. Not even proud-of-his-muscles Darry, which was big. Darry could take almost anything, anything, but he couldn't take Dallas. No one can. A memory came back to me of when he was at a dime store and a guy told him to move. I remembered he knocked a tooth out. And how he was a complete stranger. I was scared to death in that car, staring at my feet with him being mad at me; I don't know about you, but I like having my teeth kept in place.

In mid-scowl, Dally paused for a moment. I almost looked up when he started talking. "Johnny," he started in a high voice no one had ever heard from him, "Johnny, I ain't mad at you. I just don't want you to get hurt. You don't know what a few months in jail can do to you. Oh, blast it, Johnny" – he paused again as I heard his hand lifting to brush his hair back – "you get hardened in jail. I don't want that to happen to you. Like it happened to me…"

With my eyes glued to my feet, they started growing wider and wider as he said that. This was huge; Dally only ever talked about jail to brag, and he never really seemed to care about anyone this way. He only cared for himself. But then, I thought about my own childhood… how hard it had seemed to be… and realised how his must've been even harder, with jail on top of parents not even caring about you, ignoring you. Sure, I had been beaten a couple of times, but what was that compared to being jailed at such an early age, ten years old. He practically grew up on the streets. And then I realised there was more to Dally. There was more to him than being a hoodlum, there was more to him than being drunk or jailed or anything like that. There was so much more…

But, he was telling me to stay on the run. I couldn't do that; it was already killing me enough to be on the run for a week, how could I live my entire life like that? I didn't want to live in some run-down church with no beds, blankets, kitchen, radio, friends… no friends. Ponyboy would have to eventually go back, since he didn't do anything but almost be murdered. I'd killed a guy; I'd obviously only had two choices. Either I could stay on the run for my entire life, or I could turn myself in and get it over with. I needed to be with the gang again… I missed them terribly. So I asked Dally a very serious question…

"Would you rather have me living on hide-outs for the rest of my life, always on the run?"

Dally was about to answer when I realised I'd asked too late; there was something going on… I could smell something… and I could've sworn it was…

Fire.

I looked up when Dally slammed the breaks suddenly and stared at something. "Oh, glory!" he whispered to himself. And I saw it. I was right; the church was in flames.

"Let's go see what the deal is," Ponyboy suggested as he hopped out of the car. I followed as Dally started demanding us to come back, but I hardly heard him as I followed Pony, who was running to the closet grownup. "What's going on?" he asked the man urgently.

"Well, we don't know for sure," the man explained with a grin. "We were having a school picnic up here and the first thing we knew, the place is burning up. Thank goodness this is wet season and the old thing is worthless anyway." After he was done, he shouted to the kids, warning them to step back and telling them the firemen would come soon.

"I bet we started it," Pony told me. "We must have dropped a lighted cigarette or something."

While he said that, a nervous looking woman ran up to the man we talked to. "Jerry, some of the kids are missing."

"They're probably around here somewhere. You can't tell with all this excitement where they might be." He assured her calmly.

"No." she argued as she shook her head. "They've been missing for at least a half an hour. I thought they were climbing the hill…"

Then, when she finished, we froze. We could all just faintly hear some kids yelling. The sounds were coming from inside the church.

The woman turned pale. "I told them not to play in the church… I told them…" she looked like she was going to freak out, and I guess the Jerry guy noticed that, because he started shaking her.

"I'll get them, don't worry!" Ponyboy suddenly said as he bolted for the church, but Jerry grabbed his arm. "I'll get them, you kids stay out."

Pony jerked his arm free and continued running, and I followed after him. My heart was pounding in my chest and I was sweating, and it wasn't from the heat. I was afraid it might've been one of my cigarettes. I had essential fear that I wasn't careful enough, that I didn't watch out.

I followed Pony to a window, which he smashed open with a huge rock, and he pulled himself inside.

"Hey, Ponyboy." I called.

He turned around, surprised I'd followed him all that way. He took a deep breath, but started coughing like crazy. "Is that guy coming?" he managed.

I shook my head and said "The window stopped him."

"Too scared?"

"Naw…" I cracked a grin as I remembered what happened. "Too fat." When he only coughed, I asked "Where's the kids?"

"In the back, I guess." He replied, and we started walking through the flames. It was weird; I'd been beaten and bruised by my dad and by Socs, and I'd always hated it. Yet, I didn't hate this. In fact, this was the best time I'd ever had in my life. I was having fun. It seemed crazy; who had fun being in the middle of a church that's about to collapse on top of you any second? I guess it's just another thing that's different about me, as Ponyboy had said.

We pushed the door to the back room open and discovered about four or five young kids, maybe eight years or younger, all huddled in a corner. One was screaming like heck, so I yelled "Shut up! We're goin' to get you out!" he looked surprised, but quit screaming. I looked over my shoulder and saw the door was inaccessible from flames, then pushed the window open and tossed out the closest kid. When I looked up, Pony was looking at me, a surprised look on his face, and I grinned at him. He promptly picked up a kid, and the kid bit him, but he dropped the kid out anyway, being as careful as he could in a rushed time like that. The next time I looked out the window, I saw there was a crowd surrounding the window, Dally yelling at us. "For Pete's sake, get outa there! That roof's gonna cave in any minute. Forget those blasted kids!" I hardly heard him over the crackling of the wood and the roof coming close to our heads. While I got another kid out, I noticed Pony was coughing so hard he could hardly stand up. When we dropped the last kids out, the church started crumbling. I remembered Pony coughing too hard to stand up and thought _he should go out first, just in case_; I was worried about him, I wanted him to live. He was only fourteen, and he had way more potential than a guy like me, a guy who hardly even knew how to read. So, I shoved him towards the window and yelled "Get out!" over the crumbling of the church.

He promptly leaped out the window, right on time. I looked up and saw the roof getting closer and closer, the heat becoming more intense by the second, until…

Until the last thing I remembered was a hot, burning object making contact with my back.

**A/N: Hope you guys liked it! It might take a while for me to update again because I'm gonna get exams soon and I don't know what to do yet for when he wakes up, so don't expect for chapter 8 to come for a while. Until then, please remember to keep those awesome reviews coming! **


	8. It's Lonely Inside A Hospital

**A/N: Okay, so this was a pretty hard chapter to write; what can you really write in the POV of someone in a hospital bed? But, I tried my best, so I hope you like it! :D **

**Songs for this chapter: "Stay Gold" by Stevie Wonder **

"**My Generation" by Starfield **

When I awoke, I was in a bright, white room. I blinked a couple of times before my eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness. It was dead quiet; the only sound I could hear was footsteps. For a second I almost forgot what happened to me before I fell unconscious, I almost forgot the scorching heat of the fire and the pain of a burning object hitting my back. I tried to talk to find out what was going on, but I was too shocked to even open my mouth. My voice only squeaked in my throat, making a strange sound. Noticing my squeak, some women started rambling amongst each other.

"I think he's waking up!"

"Are you sure?"

"Of course he is! Didn't you hear that squeak?"

I was finally able to talk by then. "Wha- what's going on?" I asked the voices. "Where am I?"

One of them hissed "See?" before answering. "You've been badly burnt in a fire and now you're in a hospital." She explained.

_Fire_, I thought as I remembered the flames. I definitely believed her, but there seemed to be something else wrong. "Is there anything else wrong?" I asked her.

"Well, I think the doctor said something about some broken bones somewhere… I think you have a broken back." She answered. That's when I suddenly noticed the sharp pain in my back. I winced at the suddenly noticed pain and remembered more of the fire… I remembered Ponyboy jumping out the window while Dallas screamed at us to get out… then remembered.

"Where's Ponyboy and Dallas?" I demanded.

"Really, you shouldn't be asking too many questions…"

"Where are they?" I repeated.

"Well, I don't know who they are."

I sighed of frustration as I explained. "Ponyboy has cut blonde hair and he's about fourteen years old. Dallas is the towheaded one." I was careful to leave out Dally's age so that he could still buy liquor.

"Those two? Ponyboy's alright; he just had a couple of burns and bruises, and his back was bruised badly, but he was good enough to leave. Dallas burnt his arm very badly, so he has to stay with us for a couple of weeks."

"Can I speak with them?"

"No, I'm sorry. We don't know where Ponyboy is and Dallas has to stay in his room."

"I want to speak with them!"

"I'm sorry, but you can't."

"Let me speak with them!"

"You really should go to sleep now."

"Let me talk to them already!"

"Please, don't get too excited…"

But she was too late. I was already starting to gasp, then I was returned to darkness.

Throughout the next day I stayed in the hospital bed as some of the parents of the kids came in to thank me. Even Tim Shepard came by to see Dally, who I was slightly embarrassed to see because they didn't let me put enough grease in my hair. I didn't pass out anymore, but came close to it a couple of times when I asked the doctor about Pony and Dallas. When I asked Shepard about Dally he only told me he hadn't seen him yet. The day was pretty busy until late in the morning, when nobody came by to visit me. Since I was pretty tired, I decided to sleep for a while. But, a few minutes into my slumber, a voice said "Hey, Johnnykid."

I opened my eyes slowly, and I caught view of Pony and Two-Bit. I grinned at them and managed to say "Hey, y'all."

There was a nurse in the room, one that hadn't met me before, who'd obviously hadn't heard my constant arguing about seeing Pony and Dally, because she said "So he can talk after all."

Two-Bit looked around suspiciously, looking for any sign of them not treatin' me well. Then, concerned, he asked "They treatin' you okay, kid?"

"Don't…" – I gasped – "don't let me put enough grease on my hair."

"Don't talk," Two-Bit instructed, noticing that even just ten words was hard for me to say at the moment, "just listen. We'll bring you some hair grease next time. We're havin' the big rumble tonight."

My eyes widened as I remembered Dally telling Pony and I about the rumble, but I obeyed Two-Bit's instructions and didn't talk.

"It's too bad you and Dally can't be in it." He continued. "It's the first big rumble we've had – not countin' the time we whipped Shepard's outfit."

"He came by," I told them suddenly, ignoring Two-Bit's command.

"Tim Shepard?"

I nodded as I answered by saying "Came to see Dally."

"Did you know you got your name in the paper for being a hero?" Two-Bit asked out of the blue.

I tried to grin as I nodded. "Tuff enough." For once, it was nice to be noticed by adults, even if I was stuck in a hospital and felt weaker than ever.

"You want anything else besides hair grease, kid?"

I hardly nodded as I answered. "The book" – I looked at Pony – "can you get another one?"

Two-Bit looked at him as well. I guessed he hadn't known about _Gone with the Wind_.

"He wants a copy of _Gone with the Wind_ so I can read it to him." He explained. "You want to run down to the drugstore and get one?"

"Okay," Two-Bit said cheerfully, happy that he didn't have to be serious for a while. "Don't y'all run off."

Ponyboy sat down on Two-Bit's chair as he thought of something to say. "Dally's gonna be okay. And Darry and me, we're okay now."

I tried to smile, but a sudden jolt of pain went through the middle of my spine.

"Johnny!" Ponyboy asked, shocked. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, keeping my eyes closed. "Yeah, it just hurts sometimes. It usually don't… I can't feel anything below the middle of my back…" I paused, breathing heavily for a minute. "I'm pretty bad off, ain't I, Pony?" I finally asked.

"You'll be okay." he replied, trying to be cheerful, but failing. "You gotta be. We couldn't get along without you."

"I won't be able to walk again," I started explaining, then stuttered. "Not even on crutches. Busted my back."

"You'll be okay," Ponyboy repeated.

"You want to know something, Ponyboy?" I asked seriously. "I'm scared stiff. I used to think about killing myself…" I took a quivering breath. "I don't want to die now. It ain't long enough. Sixteen years ain't long enough. I wouldn't mind it so much if there wasn't so much stuff I ain't done yet and so many things I ain't seen. It's not fair. You know what? That time we were in Windrixville was the only time I've been away from our neighbourhood."

"You ain't gonna die," Pony told me firmly. "And don't get juiced up, because the doc won't let us see you no more if you do."

I rested for a minute, trying to calm down, until a nurse came in and told me "Johnny, your mother's here to see you."

My eyes snapped open with surprise, then I calmed down. "I don't want to see her," I told her.

"She's your mother." She explained again.

"I said I don't want to see her." I repeated, my voice rising. "She's probably come to tell me about all the trouble I'm causing her and about how glad her and the old man'll be when I'm dead. Well, tell her to leave me alone. For once" – my voice broke – "for once just to leave me alone." I tried to sit up, but suddenly gasped and passed out.

The rest of the day was pretty lonely, since no one else I knew came by. The nurse gave me a copy of _Gone with the Wind_ and told me that one of the boys wanted me to have it, but I knew it was both of them that wanted me to have it. I tried to read it, but it was pretty hard in the condition that I was in, even harder than usual. All of it reminded me of why I was even there. I kept having visions of the church, the flames everywhere, burning into my soul. I also remembered the pain, the scorching hot pain when the falling timber hit my back.

I also remembered the positive times I'd had in that past week, and one thing that stood out in my mind was that poem, the one that Robert Frost guy had written. I still remembered it in my mind...

'_Nature's first green is gold, _

_Her hardest hue to hold. _

_Her early leaf's a flower, _

_But only so an hour. _

_Then leaf subsides to leaf, _

_So Eden sank to grief. _

_So dawn goes down to day, _

_Nothing gold can stay.' _

I continuously thought of that and of what it meant. I made it my goal to find out what it meant for Ponyboy before my death…

My death.

I knew it was coming near, that was easy to tell; I kept getting tireder and tireder. Even when the doctor came by I knew it. I don't know what it is; maybe when a person is close to their death, they can just tell. I was still just getting used to things, just being introduced to some of the world. Then, when I put that and the poem together, I finally understood…

I finally understood what that poem meant. It meant that when you're young and just getting used to things, you're gold. When you get used to the world, it's day. When you're a kid, you're golden. When there's more to get used to and to be fascinated by, you're gold. When you think the world's golden, you're gold yourself; when it's beautiful, you're beautiful. Then, a boy came into my mind with all of these thoughts...

Ponyboy.

A very special kid who was golden, a kid who was still getting used to things. I was also reminded of people who thought there was no such thing as gold, just fools, like Dallas. I thought of how he could be told there was still some good in the world, there was still hope. I then decided to tell them. I asked the nurse if I could just write a letter to somebody and she asked if I wanted help writing it. I said no and asked her to leave me alone. I took some time to think about it, but I finally thought of something to say…

'_Ponyboy, I asked the nurse to give you this book so you could finish it. The doctor came in a while ago but I knew anyway. I keep getting tireder and tireder. Listen, I don't mind dying now. It's worth it. It's worth saving those kids. Their lives are worth more than mine, they have more to live for. Some of their parents came by to thank me and I know it was worth it. Tell Dally it's worth it. I'm just going to miss you guys. I've been thinking about it, and that poem, that guy that wrote it, he meant you're gold when you're a kid, like green. When you're a kid everything's new, dawn. It's just when you get used to everything that it's day. Like the way you dig sunsets, Pony. That's gold. Keep that way, it's a good way to be. I want you to tell Dally to look at one. He'll probably think you're crazy, but ask for me. I don't even think he's ever really seen a sunset. And don't be so bugged over being a greaser. You still have a lot of time to make yourself what you want. There's still lots of good in the world. Tell Dally, I don't think he knows. Your buddy, Johnny.' _

I placed the letter into the book and set it on the table as I lay back down and called the nurse. I asked her to give the book to a boy named Ponyboy, and she laughed, but I told her to shut up. She asked if that was his real name, and I told her yes and to stop talking about it 'cause it bugs him. She then walked out silently as I closed my eyes for some much needed sleep.

**A/N: Okay, NOT my best chapter, but whew! *wipes forehead* I'm FINALLY done exams, and I'm SO happy about it! :D So, I was FINALLY able to update again, and I think the next chapter will be, unfortunately, my last one, and one of my shortest. **

… **I think. I haven't written it yet. -.- (oh, cool! I hardly do those kinds of faces! XD) **

**But don't worry, I'll try to update soon. And, if you really like my writing, you might want to check out some more of my stories! :D I think this is my best writing so far, though, but I might have better coming, so keep updated! ;) After this, my next Outsiders story will by my sequel to 'Gang Wars', one of my most successful stories. If you want to check it out, go ahead! :D **

**Btw, I know that in the letter he says 'Keep that way' instead of 'Keep **_**it**_** that way', but that's what I read in my book. -.- (Yay! Again!) **


	9. I'll See You All Again Some Day

**A/N: This is all so very sad, how it's my last chapter and considering what happens in it. I actually cried a little while writing it. :'( **

**Songs for this chapter: "No Grave" by Newsboys **

"**Slipped Away" by Avril Lavigne **

I spent the rest of the day with a feeling of premonition haunting me. I knew that the rumble was that night, but what was I to fear of that? I kept on telling myself it was the feeling that I was going to die, but somehow, that just didn't cut it; it was something else, something more that was bothering me. I just couldn't put my finger on it, though. It was like someone asking you 'If a tree falls in a forest and no one's there to hear it, will it make a sound?' or 'Which came first, the chicken or the egg?' and you just can't decide the answer. You might say 'Yes, it will. Wait, no it won't. Wait, what?' or you might say 'Of course the chicken came first. But then, where did the chicken come from?'; it's like being given a question that takes a lifetime to answer.

Unfortunately, I didn't have a lifetime left. I only had a few hours.

I was thinking about how much I'd changed; just a couple of days ago, I was a boy on the run who didn't know anything about anything and was scared stiff. But, that night, I'd changed suddenly to someone who'd known all the lessons you need to know in life. In just a matter of hours, I'd changed dramatically.

And it was all because of thoughts of death on the way, about to take my very soul.

Late in the afternoon, Dally snuck into my room. Seeing my condition, he instantly turned gloomy. But, I was overjoyed to see him. I asked him how he'd gotten out of his room, and he said that he used Two-Bit's knife to talk the nurse into it. I grinned, seeing that he was still the same old Dally. When he had to leave, I told him that I needed to see Pony when he got back from the rumble 'cause I had something I needed to tell him. Dally nodded and walked out.

By the evening, I'd become the weakest I'd ever been, and whenever I spoke it was only a soft whisper. I could hardly move and when I tried, my muscles gave up after a couple of seconds, and my arm or head or whatever I was trying to lift would fall down onto the bed again. The pain still came, but I was too weak and tired to even react to it.

Yep, I was about to die. But, I needed to see Pony first, so I prayed that I would stay alive long enough, just long enough to talk to him. I wish I could tell him even more than I knew I could, like telling him that I would be alright and that he shouldn't cry when I'm gone, 'cause that would just make me more upset. But there was something else more important; I needed to tell him to stay gold, like I had in my letter, but I knew I needed to tell him in person.

Late in the night, I could faintly hear voices.

"I'm sorry, boys, but he's dying." I could hear the doctor telling somebody outside of my door. _No, _I thought,_ no, let them in. I need to talk to them!_

"We gotta see him," I could hear Dallas demand, then I heard a switchblade being flicked out. "We're gonna see him and if you give me any static you'll end up on your own operatin' table." His voice shook.

"You can see him, but it's because you're his friends, not because of that knife." The doctor told them.

There was a pause before I heard my door opening. Two people walked in, I could tell, and they were quiet for a minute. Then, Dally's voice said "Johnnycake?" he paused, waiting for an answer or a movement or something to prove to them I wasn't dead. "Johnny?" he repeated hoarsely.

I was able to stir around weakly and open my eyes. "Hey," I managed to say softly.

"We won," panted Dally. "We beat the Socs. We stomped them – chased them outa our territory."

I didn't even attempt a grin at him. "Useless… fighting's not good…" I tried telling him. Fighting doesn't solve anything, I knew that from experience.

Dally nervously licked his lips before he continued. "They're still writing editorials about you in the paper. For being a hero and all." I could notice he was talking too calmly and fast. "Yeah, they're calling you a hero and heroizin' all the greasers. We're all proud of you, buddy."

I felt something different inside of me. Dallas Winston, my hero, was proud of me. Me. It was all I'd ever wanted from him. But, I had to remember what I had to do.

"Ponyboy."

He came closer and leaned in to hear me better.

This was it; I was minutes away from dying, maybe even seconds, and I had to tell him one thing, just one last thing…

"Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold…" Then, my head sank down into the pillow, and my soul had finally left my body.

So, I just wanna tell y'all; don't be sad for me. Try not to cry, try to remember that I would've been crippled anyway, try to remember that my life was worth less than the lives of the kids I'd saved. Sure, I was scared stiff of dying, but just remember that. I don't mind it now, really I don't. I'm better off now. So please, don't cry… just don't cry. I'm not gonna be gone forever, I'll still be here… somewhere. I'll still be in your lives someway, somehow.

Two-Bit… funny, funny Two-Bit… remember to keep the gang laughing. Remember to keep them joyful even in times of pain and sorrow. You make them feel better about themselves; I know you make me feel better about myself. Please, remember to do that; they need something to keep them going.

Steve. Please, remember to stay Soda's best buddy; he can't make it without you. You put a smile on his face on those rare occasions he's down. You guys've been best buddies since grade school, and I want you to keep it that way. Just remember, though, that being tough and beating somebody in a fight isn't everything. Oh, yeah, also try to remember to keep some of those screaming girls off of Soda, will you?

Darry, Superman, Muscles… the list goes on and on. You're the one that keeps the gang under control, you make sure they don't get into trouble, and you give Pony and Soda so much. You've given up your life so they could have one, you gave up college. I hope they see that, it's amazing what you do to their lives every day. Just make sure not to yell at Pony so much; he more sensitive and doesn't think the same way you do.

Soda, the clown. You're the glue that keeps you and your brothers together, you're the best thing they've ever had… remember that. Don't be so hard on yourself, okay? Just remember to be there for them, for the gang. They need you, they need the comfort you bring. You make sure that fights amongst them are stopped and that we're all kept together. Just remember to keep yourself sane, too; try not to break down. If it gets too much, tell them, they'll understand, I know they will.

Ponyboy, one of the gang that I'm closest to. Just remember what I told you about staying gold, alright? It's amazing and you have so much to live for, that's why I let you go out first, you were feeling worse in the fire than I was and you had more than I did. You had more to offer to the world. It's amazing what you'll be capable of doing; you're one of the brightest and most amazing kids I've ever met. Just please, try not to take Darry's anger too seriously, he truly loves and cares for you.

Dallas, last but not least. You're my hero, you're what I wanna be; tough, steel, you can take anything. Some people dislike you a lot, and sometimes I don't like the way you disrespect some people, but I still respect you at the same time. I wish I was like you, that I could do whatever I wanted and be able to get away after that. But please, I'm begging you to notice some of the good in the world. Try to see that there's hope, try to be gold, like Ponyboy. Watch a sunset once in a while, try to be amazed at how amazing the world truly is.

I hope you'll all remember this and do these things for me. Try to remember me, too, and I'll see you all again… some day.

From, Johnny

**A/N: MY FINAL CHAPTER! *cries* I'm happy yet sad at the same time; I can't wait to get to my next story, but I'll miss doing this! I hope you guys all enjoyed it! :D Thank you all SO MUCH for making this one of my most successful stories EVER! :D And if you love Johnny and this story, you might like my one-shot about the day he got beat up, 'The Beating'. I was really looking forward to writing that story (and this one too) so if you want to, check it out! :D **

**Oh, and before I forget, most of the dialogue in this fanfic is from 'The Outsiders', which I unfortunately do not own 'cause I'm not S.E. Hinton. All credit goes out to her from the story to the characters to the dialogue of her amazing first book 'The Outsiders'. **


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